Monday, September 28, 2009

I think too much

This was pretty funny, especially when I realized that guy is me.






http://xkcd.com/642/

Life lessons: Amazon edition

When you move, make sure to delete your old address from your Amazon account. Otherwise, when in the frenzy of compulsive online shopping, you may inadvertently have something sent to your former address.

This is particularly frustrating when you addictively check your order status and get really excited when you see that it has been delivered, only to be severely disappointed when you realize that it was delivered to a place you no longer live!

Friday, September 25, 2009

New excuse

Because people keep asking me, I've tried to come up with creative and yet more creative responses to the question: "why aren't you dating anyone?" Tonight, I think I came up with a really great answer.

"I'm allergic."

It's like my good friend who is allergic to some fruits so he can't eat them, or my friend who loves guacamole, but can't eat it because she is allergic to avocado. Just because you like a thing doesn't mean you can have it.

(Or maybe they are allergic?)

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Breath of fresh air

At my new Small Group this evening, I overheard a (rather cute) young lady saying to another young lady something along the lines of, "...purposeful dating. The idea is that you should be intentional about dating. You don't just do it for fun or to hookup, but in the context of the search for a spouse."

Wow, I was starting to think I was one of the few single people who actually tried to approach dating in this way. I'm not really sure if she was advocating this approach, or simply stating that it is one way of looking at things, but it was refreshing to hear it expressed, nonetheless.

The awesome thing about dating someone with this perspective in my mind is that you know that person would be treating you with respect, love, and seriousness. They would not be dating you purely out of boredom or loneliness or just using you for a season. It means that, if they dated you, they would actually be considering you as a potential spouse. Things would either grow and develop into marriage, or as soon as it became apparent that you were not the one, they would break it. While it could still happen, there would be a concerted effort made on both sides not to use one another, keep one another around till something better comes along, or discard one another as soon as things get serious.

I guess if we were to put this in the golden rule framework, we might say:

"I'm not playing you, so please don't play me."

Note: I realize there is a whole lot underlying this that you may not agree with, such as that dating should always be intentional. I believe it should be, but you don't have to. At the very least, I think it is important that a couple be on the same page. If one person is dating intentionally and the other is just dabbling for fun or because they are lonely, there is bound to be heartbreak.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Never give up

Yesterday I went on my first group ride in several months. I felt good at first, despite the fast early pace. But after about 15 minutes, the cool air started to get to me, and before long I felt like I was breathing through a straw. Even on the downhills, as my heart rate would recover, I could barely catch my breath. I soon found myself dropped and wondering if I was in much worse shape than I had thought (despite my recent climb of the Manayunk . I putted along for a few miles and was considering just turning around, going home, and licking my wounds, when a group of about 10 came by and invited me to jump on the back. I tried my best, but I couldn't really hold on since I couldn't get any air. I was at my max just trying to keep them in sight, often losing 50 yards to them and then catching them at a lucky red light.

I zipped everything up as much as possible to try to warm up my throat and lungs, and very slowly my throat started to open. Finally, about an hour into the ride, I started to feel ok and was able to hang onto the wheels at the back of the group. And I continued to improve. Before much longer, I was feeling almost good. For the last 2o miles of the ride, I was pulling hard, breaking away, covering breaks, bridging gaps, and even led out the final sprint.

The whole experience was quite amazing. The evolution of my "sensations" over the course of the ride covered quite a spectrum, and I was very happy by the end that I had not given up and managed to actually impress myself as to my fitness level.

Interesting side note: this ride is supposedly featured in Bicycling Magazine every year as a top ten US group ride.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Love Math

Loneliness = Love -1

Loneliness + 1 - Love = 0

Loneliness + 1 = Love

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Bike commuting in style

Today I biked to work, as I have been most mornings since I moved to Philly. I love not having to drive my car to work, although I must admit some days missing the ability to sing at the top of my lungs during my commute. Nevertheless, today was a bit different. Instead of my typical business (very) casual look of jeans and a polo, I was scheduled to do several in-person interviews with physicians, so I wore a sports jacket, wool dress pants, and my leather soled wingtips. However, I still wanted to bike to work (especially since I was running late). So I rolled up my dress pants half-way up my calf, folded my sports jacket into my laptop bag, threw my helmet on, and off I went. I think I was the most dressed up (and possibly most ridiculous looking) bike commuter in the whole city. To top it off, I discovered that trying to keep your feet on pedals (without clips) when wearing leather soled shoes is a lot more challenging than I had originally thought. But major disaster was averted, helmet hair mostly avoided, and sports jacket wrinkles largely escaped.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Microwave delight!

Tonight, for the first time in almost five years, I was able to successfully cook microwave popcorn. And it was delicious! The past 4 and a half years at the Farm I haven't been able to enjoy the taste of freshly popped popcorn, and it has been sorely missed. For some reason, that ancient microwave we had could not get it right. If you cooked it too short, nothing popped, but if you tried for longer, it all just burnt. Power level did not seem to make a bit of difference. I finally just gave up. But now, I finally have a microwave from this decade (maybe even just my lifetime), and finally once again, within a mere 90 seconds, I can have a bag of steaming popcorn. Mmmm...it's the simple things :-)

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Stop worrying!

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
~Matthew 6:34

This verse was the topic of a sermon I heard last weekend. It might be one of the verses I most need to absorb. Worrying about tomorrow really does very little good. This doesn't mean you shouldn't plan for the future, but being anxious about it is not productive, and can very often be destructive. If we are continually worried about what is to come, we miss what is now. And it's not like worrying about the future is going to fix anything. I guess it's one of those things I know, but don't believe. But I'm working on it.

For those who are interested in the more "religious" perspective on this verse, the minister also mentioned that being anxious about the future is actually more than simply counterproductive - it's actually a sin. I'm not sure I'd ever thought about it in quite this way before. His point was that, if we are worried about tomorrow, we are not trusting God. If we do trust God, we will no longer be concerned about the future, because we know that God has a plan for us. After all, we are not in control, and we certainly cannot control what will happen tomorrow. We can perhaps change course, but we cannot control the wind. And changing course is not some undefined action in the future anyway. It's an action in the present.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Seriously?

Sometimes, when people take what I am saying seriously, I have to bite my tongue to avoid laughing out loud. For once I'm not even being self-deprecating. It's really just that funny to me. I might talk a good game (really?), but I actually have no idea what I'm talking about. HOW IS IT NOT OBVIOUS?

Maybe no one has any idea what they are talking about. They don't call me out, either because they are afraid that I do know what I am talking aboutsince they don't know what I am talking about, or they don't call me out because they would appreciate the same favor down the road.

It would actually make for a pretty interesting game theory exercise. What if they said, "you don't know what you are talking about." I could simply reply, "you are only saying that because you don't know what you are talking about." They might shrug their shoulders in defeat. Either that or this line of discussion goes on for a long damn time. "You don't know what you are talking about!" "No, you don't have a frickin' clue what YOU are talking about."

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Light my fire(fly)

I wrote this about a month ago, unsure if I wanted to publish it. I think I just needed to get it out there and off my chest tonight:

-------------

It's one of those calm, slightly chilly Summer nights when I can't help but reminisce and wonder what is to come. Well, Mother Earth has played a part in nudging me on this evening.

I was driving home just at the edge of dusk. It's that time of day when you need your headlights to see the road ahead, but the night has not completely washed away the light of the day. I was driving past fields of long grass and corn, probably higher than my waist now, when I noticed that they were covered in a layer of flickering lights. It was breath taking - an almost endless blanket of fireflies extended across the fields. It was almost as if someone had taken the night sky and spread it like a shimmering veil just under my chin as far as the eye could see.

It reminded me of the night she came over to the Farm and first saw how beautiful the fireflies can be here. It can be like someone took the stars out of the night sky and threw them like pixie dust into the trees all around you. I remember her saying, "wow, you weren't exaggerating; there are so many, it's amazing." She did tend to overuse the word amazing, but this time I think it really was the right word.

I guess it was just about one year ago when she so suddenly decided to end it. I don't know if I've ever been caught so off guard.

From the whole experience I've come to realize that caprice may be one of the most hurtful things imaginable. It's one thing when someone decides after careful consideration that you aren't meant to be. In fact, even when someone goes out of their way to hurt you, they are showing they care in a sense. Yes, it's twisted, but they are hurting you because they are already hurting. But when someone decides in the spur of a moment (or "on a whim" in her words) to end it, you know how little you really matter. It's one of those things that hurts so bad, I can't even completely understand it. I can't imagine caring so little about someone to drop them from such a height so carelessly. And after it all, she followed it up by going out of her way to completely remove me from her life. I can almost hear her whispering in my ear, "I couldn't care less if you ceased to exist."

It has made me realize how much I care about so many people in my life. In particular, I care deeply about her and every girl I have had a relationship with. I would do just about anything for any one of you, and I think and pray about each of you more than you might think. And I would sit and talk with you through the night if you wanted or needed it, because once I start caring about someone, I can't stop. And I would never want to.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

My bike fetish

Today, as I was wandering through Philly on the way home from work, I noticed that while I would occasionally look at a cute girl walking by, I would look at every single bike I passed. I guess I'm not much for objectifying women, but bikes are objects, so it's ok to objectify them!

Ladies, if you think it's creepy how I'm staring at your legs, fear not. I am trying to look around them to see whether or not the bike you are standing in front of is a fixie. You don't make a good window!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Teach me!

I've never really understood people who say"don't try to change me". I suppose that's not entirely true. Often these people don't want the person they are dating to try to make them into someone they are not. And to a degree, I agree with this idea. I wouldn't want someone to try to force me to enjoy brussel sprouts or watch Sex in the City.

But those aren't even good examples, because I would want someone to challenge me. Maybe there is some sauce that makes brussel sprouts taste amazing (unlikely!) or some angle to take on Sex in the City that makes it enjoyable, or at least an interesting commentary on the human condition (I remain skeptical). I wouldn't want someone to try to change who I fundamentally am, but I guess I would want someone to push me. I don't want to be completely responsible for defining myself - it sounds so self-absorbed and myopic.

In fact, I want someone to improve me! I've always like that saying that goes, "I love you the way you are, but I love you too much to let you stay that way." I fully subscribe to this way of thinking. There are so many different ways I can grow and become a better man. I want someone to see that potential and run with it. Someone simply accepting who I am seems rather drab - I hope they see more potential in me than just the me that is here and now.

I was recently listening to a radio show about relationships and dating, and they said one of the most important red flags about the person you are dating is an "unteachable and unrepentant" attitude. It really hit home, because I don't want to be that person. I want to be teachable, and I want to be repentant when I have screwed up. I accept that there is still a lot of work to be done on me. I don't want to be content in myself. I like to think there is a lot yet to come.



Unteachable and unrepentant

I love you the way you are, but love you too much to let you stay that way.

Housemates that make you go "huh?"

I have a new housemate, and while she is a pretty sweet girl, she does some things that make me scratch my head in bewilderment. Today, I came home to find that she had taken out the kitchen trash (yay!), but instead of putting a new trash bag into the can, she had taken a little grocery bag, stuffed some trash into it, and thrown it beside the trash can.

The trash sits next to the refrigerator, on top of which there are not one, but two different boxes full of trash bags. Directly above the trash can. All she had to do was reach up, but instead she walked around the refrigerator and took a grocery bag out of the drawer and then tried to stuff garbage and egg shells into an uncooperative and small bag.

This left me only one choice. I reached up, grabbed a trash bag, and set things right. And wondered...

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The look of love

There is something amazing in the face of somebody talking over the phone with the person they are in love with. Their face just radiates hope and joy. Seeing such a face must tempt even the most cynical and self-absorbed to believe in love.

And I've, well I've seen a thousand things in one place
But I stopped my counting when I saw your face
Erasing memory, well I feel as though I've never seen a face before
Until I saw your eyes
And they're smiling back at me through my tears
I've been counting all these years, oh
Suddenly the thousand things I've seen were nothing more than dreams of
Of you and me

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Now playing: Jason Mraz - 1000 Things
via FoxyTunes

Saturday, July 11, 2009

How much do I love cycling?

Enough that I would join Twitter just so I can read the tweets from the Astana boys.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Alone on the moon

I really can't stand limited release movies. They often seem to be more interesting than the mainstream big budget films, yet never seem to be released near me. Several weeks ago I read about a movie called "Moon" and have really wanted to see it, and I finally got the chance tonight.

It really is quite a good film, if you like "films" and not just action-packed "movies." It is a classic sci-fi, light on special effects and heavy on character interaction with technology and the unknown. They don't really make movies like this much these days. I haven't seen the new "Transformers" yet, but I'm sure I will have enjoyed "Moon" more, despite the $5 million budget that must seem like a drop in the bucket compared to the budget for "Transformers".

What really fascinated me about the whole thing was going to see a movie about a guy alone on the moon, alone. It's hard to explain, but I suppose it made me more empathetic to the guy and what must be overwhelming loneliness.

I also saw a trailer for an unexpected new film, based on the book "The Time Traveler's Wife." I really love that book, and from the moment I saw the trailer begin I realized what it was and was so overcome with emotion, I felt like I was about to start crying. Yup, a trailer made me almost start crying. And I'm sure the movie won't be nearly as good as the book, which probably wasn't that good of a book anyway, but man, it really got to me.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Fixing the bad boys

I've always wondered why girls are so often attracted to the bad boys. I've heard the explanations about how they want someone to fix with their love, but it never really rang true. But I recently read something that makes so much more sense.

"Interestingly, relationship experts say that one of the reasons a girl finds a bad boy appealing is that she can be with him without ever letting him get too close. Bad boys very rarely commit to a monogamous, long-term relationship. Perhaps [the girl] is attracted to guys she cannot really have, because they don't want a real relationship, and she has a secret fear of intimacy."

That's it, right there. Fear of intimacy! It has absolutely nothing to do with girls wanting to fix anyone - they are just scared to be in a real, intimate relationship, so they stick with someone they know they won't take them too seriously and in turn won't have to take too seriously.

Still, all this psychobabble doesn't really help me much. Based on my experience, I still think nice guys finish last.

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I would like to hold your hand
as we're shifted through this twisted abandon
I would like to think that you'd know your way

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Now playing: Jason Mraz - No Doubling Back
via FoxyTunes

Sunday, July 05, 2009

A 4th to Remember

This was an amazing 4th of July weekend. The whole thing was a blast with awesome friends: Ferris wheel rides, funnel cake, fried Oreos, Firefly and sweet potato fries, West Side Story on Broadway (never thought I'd get that chance), Catchphrase to the heart's content, and to top it all off, sailing at night on the 4th, watching fireworks in 36o panorama, from little Keansburg, NJ, to the Macy's show in Manhattan. It was incredible, and now, every time I close my eyes, I imagine sailing quietly over the dark water, the moon lighting the way.

My two favorite quotes of the weekend paraphrased:

"You are a masculine guy, but sometimes you say things that make me wonder." (In response to an impassioned plea for the legitimization of Capri pants.)

"Silly girl. She had no idea how much fun was coming." Damn right.

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Now playing: Dave Matthews Band - Crush
via FoxyTunes

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Music, all night long

Do you ever have nights when you are listening and listening to music and you just don't want it to end? I am having one of those nights. I am exhausted and should have gone to bed a long time ago. But all I want to do is listen to music endlessly. I think I might just lie on my back until I melt into the floor and the melody. Try it! As you relax your body and let your mind sink into the song, it's almost like an out of body experience.

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Now playing: Iron & Wine - God Made The Automobile
via FoxyTunes