The return of insomnia

I haven't had insomnia for a while, so I guess it was due. I'm very tired, and tried to go to bed very early tonight, but only tossed and turned for half an hour. I've given up and instead decided to learn my first Greg Laswell song. I'm excited! Today on my walk home from work, I picked all the back streets with the most empty sidewalks so that I could sing out loud with my iPod to learn all the nuances of singing it.

For your future listening pleasure (I hope) - Comes and Goes (in Waves).

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Now playing: Greg Laswell - Comes And Goes (In Waves)
via FoxyTunes

You might be a bachelor if...

...your contribution to a potluck is bringing plastic cups, and at said potluck, a girl calls you out for having mismatched sheets hanging from your bedroom windows instead of curtains, and the girl noticed this when she was with a group of people in your apartment when you weren't there. Actually, that last part has nothing to do with being a bachelor - it's just strange.

The downfall of ringtones

I've discovered that making your own ringtones from songs you love isn't as great an idea as it sounds. The reason - when my phone rings and a song comes on I love, I don't want to pick. I just want to hear the ring finish. So often I make the person on the other end wait for a while because I want to hear the verse or chorus I love resolve. Sorry.

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Now playing: Greg Laswell- Not out
via FoxyTunes

I'm just shy

I want you to know that just because I don't talk to you when you are standing right in front of me, or act like I'm bored or tired (sometimes I even fake a yawn), or turn like you aren't there, it's not because I don't want to talk to you or don't like you. I'm just shy, and sometimes I don't know what to say. I'd really like to talk to you and get to know you better. I'm sorry. It's the same reason I don't advertise my blog, but it's perfectly ok if you read it, even if you don't tell me. :-)

Spam confession

I feel like this should be on PostSecret:

Sometimes I check my Spam folder to see if someone has sent me a really important note that Gmail somehow accidentally marked as spam. Like that someone is hopelessly in love with me. If instead of beginning with headlines about getting a larger penis, they said things like, "I've been scared to tell you this...", I would probably open lots of my spam.

Something tells me this is not the most effective way to look for love.

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Now playing: Pomplamoose Makin Out
via FoxyTunes

Of singing

I went to a house show Saturday night to raise money for a Haiti missions trip. If you don't know what a house show is, it's basically a night 0f mostly amateur musicians playing a few songs in someone's living room. You pay a cover and then pay outrageous amounts for drinks (but it's all for charity, so you don't mind). At the end, it turned into a bit of a singalong, which was much fun. Then I was somehow talked into going up to play a song. Yikes! At first I resisted, but then my mind was filled with thoughts of "you only live once." This would be the biggest group of people I had ever played in front of. The encouragement was centered on a friend who had heard me playing Babylon outside my apartment the other night, so Babylon it was. I was incredibly nervous, but since it was spontaneous, I luckily didn't have hours of dread built up. I have no idea how it went, or if it was an utter disaster, because I was so anxious I can't even remember clearly what happened. The first couple lines, my voice was weak and failing me, which made me even more nervous! But thankfully, I was able to muster a little composure, and things got better, but I still couldn't honestly tell you if I was even in tune. A few people afterward said it was good, so hopefully they weren't just saying that out of kindness.

One of the highlights of the night was a duet of a guy and girl, playing songs I don't really know, but were beautiful nonetheless. They are both very talented and their voices blend magnificently - for some reason, they reminded me of the couple from Once, not because they sound the same, but because their voices were complimentary in a similar way. The female of the duet frequently leads worship, and I've heard her sing in other settings, so I can pretty confidently say she has a lovely singing voice (as I think would most other people who have heard her). But what amazes me is that on the car ride home she, I think quite honestly, was talking about how nervous she was and how weak her voice sounded, and more generally how little confidence she has in her abilities. I appreciate humility, but it's still surprising to me when someone who is clearly talented, and seen by not just me but others as talented, is terrified at performing in front of people. Of course, I can definitely empathize with the feeling, I just can't understand it in her case. I mean, people ask her to perform all the time - I am not getting such requests.

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On a completely different topic, earlier Saturday I went for a run. To get onto the river trail I usually run along, you have to cross some railroad tracks. As I was crossing them this day, I noticed that a young child (maybe 3 or 4) had somehow step into one of the tracks and gotten his foot stuck, and his mother was patiently trying to get his foot unstuck. Now mind you, these tracks are used by trains, although usually at rather slow speeds. Even though there wasn't a train in sight, I was unexpectedly very concerned about this child's safety. I kept looking back over my shoulder to see if he had been freed. This got to the point that I was practically running backwards until I saw the little squirt finally running free. I had no idea I had such strong parenting instincts, but I'm glad to know they are somewhere in there.


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Come here my star is fading
And I swerve out of control
And I swear I waited and waited

Now playing: Coldplay - Amsterdam
via FoxyTunes

Berlin and the Wall

I walked by a monument in Berlin tonight that contains pieces of the Berlin Wall that are still standing. It sent chills down my back. The last time I was in Berlin, it was still divided into East and West Berlin. People were still selling out their friends, neighbors, children, parents, even spouses to the Stasi. I can't believe this was going on in my lifetime, and that the wall came down just over 20 years ago. By the way, an absolutely incredible film that captures the essence of the DDR and Stasi is The Lives of Others, winner of the 2007 Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film. A must see. William F. Buckley, Jr., just months before passing away, wrote that after seeing it, "I turned to my companion and said, 'I think that this is the best movie I ever saw.'" Yes, it's that good.

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Now playing: John Mayer - Victoria
via FoxyTunes

The modern musical blessing

Tonight is the first time I've had a chance to really relax and listen to music for quite a while. I'm a little sick, stressed out, over-worked, sore-assed, and lonely. But this music is melting my head. When you think about it, it's amazing that we have access to great recordings from almost any artist. This is a truly incredible modern blessing. Think - 300 years ago only a select few had a chance to listen to a popular musician, and only when they played live. Now, on our iPod, we have instant access to almost anyone at their best. Truly astounding when you think about it that way.

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Now playing: John Mayer - Do You Know Me
via FoxyTunes

Extroverted introvert

I think I'm an extroverted introvert. I really enjoy the company of other people; sometimes I absolutely crave it. But I also need alone time. In fact, sometimes spending time with people completely exhausts me. I'm not sure how else to explain it. I guess it means I love you, even when I need a break from you.

This has some interesting implications. For instance, I can miss someone while not wanting to be around them. Yeah, it's hard for me to wrap my mind around that one, too. And even harder to fix.

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Now playing: John Mayer - Victoria
via FoxyTunes

Any given Tuesday...

...something like this could happen:

11PM, everyone has left my house, I haven't had dinner, nothing in my fridge. I walk down the street to a local pub to grab a craft beer and a cheap sausage. They are cheap but good. I sit at the bar, reading NYT articles on my iPhone, sometimes stopping to listen to the loud drunk a few stools down or the barkeep telling a funny story, or to glance at the TV to realize again and again that I'm completely uninterested in what is on. I'm pretty sure I am anonymous in this bar - I didn't see anyone I know when I walked in, and it's unlikely my friends will wander in this late on a Tuesday.

I feel someone poke my back. It's probably just someone, maybe a little tipsy, who bumped me with their elbow or a wayward hand. I turn around slowly, half-expecting to only see someone's back as they continue on their meandering way. Instead I turn to see a friend of mine who was just at my house 45 minutes ago. As I continue my turn I see another friend. They are both girls; they are both smiling. I probably look perplexed. I am perplexed, and a little embarrassed. I wonder how long they have seen me sitting at the bar, alone.

The girl who I saw second says, "oh, if we had known people were going out afterward, we would have gotten everyone together." People? There is no one else with me. I mumble, "people, no, just me." I guess that's obvious. I guess it doesn't matter because I don't think she heard me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever heard.

One of them asks me what I had for dinner. I try to explain that I haven't gotten my dinner yet. I don't think they hear me, but it's not important so I give up. I tell them I got a sausage. More chitchat. I probably should have asked them what they got. That would have been polite. I realize this about 5 minutes after they leave. I'm terrible at chitchat when I'm surprised, confused, or embarrassed. Or all three.

Then the first one says they will see me at church Sunday. I say in 3 Sundays. They look at me confusedly, with heads cocked almost like curious dogs. I say 3 again and hold up 3 fingers. There is an awkward silence. They don't seem to understand or be that interested. They leave. I don't think they realize I am about to fly all over the world. That's okay - they aren't interested and I'm kind of tired of telling people today.

I wonder if they'll remember what I said when I'm not in my apartment next week for our meeting , and if it will suddenly make sense.

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Now playing: Greg Laswell - Off I Go
via FoxyTunes

This post was edited less than 10 hours after having been published. But one loyal reader had already seen the original post. Can't sneak anything by her :-)

Consequences

Sometimes stupid decisions have negative consequences, often in ways you would not expect. Last Sunday, as I was rushing to church, I slowed down for a stop light, but when I thought no cars were coming, rode right on through without slowing down as much as I usually do. I go through red lights all the time, but usually I slow to a crawl and am very careful to make sure I can see down the intersecting street to ensure no cars are coming. This time I went too fast, and sure enough, the coast wasn't as clear as I thought it would be. All of a sudden I heard screeching tires to my left and slammed on the brakes. Luckily, the driver of the car had been paying attention and managed to stop with room to spare. He then just sat there in his car and glared at me for being an idiot, which obviously I deserved.

But in this little almost accident, I jumped forward on my bike, off my seat. I don't really know what happened next, but either my seat ran into the back of my butt or I landed on my top tube, because a few hours later I discovered that my ass-bone was very sore, and now for the past week it has been painful to sit down for any extended period of time. This is all good and well, except for the fact that I am scheduled to spend a whole lot of time sitting on my butt as I fly all over the globe in less than a week. If I don't heal up in the next few days, this is going to be a very painful and challenging experience. So here's to hoping and praying that my coccyx decides to stop hurting before my first flight across the pond.

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Because it seems fitting (and it's a great song)...

Now playing: A.C. Newman - Come Crash
via FoxyTunes

My Stupid Mouth

Reposted after getting the okay from some important people. I've bolded the important takeaways, in case there is any confusion...

A couple weekends ago, I was talking with a friend of mine, and at one point the conversation somehow turned to marriage. This topic reminded me of a rather lengthy debate I recently had with my mom about diamond engagement rings. My mom was telling me about how some radio talk show host she listens to had been warning guys planning to propose that, even if their girlfriend says they don't want a diamond ring, they actually do, and therefore the guy should dismiss her comments and get a ring anyway. I decided to take the counter-argument, both because I somewhat believe it, but also because, well, I love to debate things with my mom. I used the standard arguments that diamond engagement rings are a fairly modern social construct without serious religious groundings, devised by wealthy men to show off their riches, are often the result of or contributor to human suffering, and are in a sense an affront to women's equality. (I chose to more or less ignore the fact that this host's instruction was premised on the concept that your girlfriend is playing head games with you and you shouldn't believe what she says.) I mentioned all of this to my friend, but typically I broach this topic with few people because, as you can imagine, I don't particularly want this leaking to the broader public. Well, my friend, being the gregarious sort that he is, decided that he would bring my views to light among a few guy friends at a party a couple days later. Now I was starting to get a little nervous, but I tried to clarify my position, and half-jokingly (half being the key word here) asked them not to tell anyone else. So sure enough, the next day at church, a young (married) woman in our congregation turns to me during the passing of the peace and says to me, "so I hear you aren't going to buy your girlfriend a diamond ring." I'm pretty sure I said nothing as my jaw dropped, while my brain screamed "FML"! It appears that some virulent rumor is spreading through the church that I won't buy my future wife a diamond ring.

I'd like to take this opportunity to set the record straight. There is no way on earth I will buy my future wife a diamond engagement ring. No chance. Keep dreaming cause it ain't gonna happen!

No, I'm just messing with you. It's actually more complicated than that. I do believe there is merit to each of the three general points I raised above against diamond engagement rings. But, I am not completely convinced. On the first point, much of what we do is a social convention, but they can still serve good and constructive purposes, and while they should be challenged, we shouldn't just throw them all out the window on a whim. To the second, among other arguments, I believe it is possible to purchase rings that are certified to not be "blood diamonds". Not to mention, you could always get an engagement ring that isn't a diamond, but some other valuable gem. And finally, while I do believe women should be treated equally, I do believe they are different and shouldn't be treated the same (this is a subtle, but important point that is beyond semantics).

So what does this all mean? First of all, if you have bought the love of your life a diamond ring, I am in no way judging your decision. Let me put it this way - if I ever manage to find a girl I am attracted to who will put up with and love me, and she wants a diamond engagement ring, I will buy her one without a second thought. This has nothing to do with money or economics. Heck, if she wants one for each hand, and I'm madly in love, I will gladly comply. I'm a hopeless romantic, and I think getting down on one knee, pulling out a diamond ring you have saved and saved to buy, putting your heart on your sleeve, and asking a girl to marry you is an incredible moment. Slipping the ring that you have toiled to buy onto her finger must be an overwhelming feeling of joy and love. With that said, if a girl said she didn't want a diamond ring, I would try to have an honest conversation with her, and if she maintained that she really didn't want one, I would accept (and believe) her position. And to be honest, I would find her willingness to challenge convention pretty darn attractive. But it is not a prerequisite. There are more than enough reasons not to date me, but you can at least scratch this one off the list.

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This song takes me to the verge of tears every time I listen to it. I listen to it a lot...

Now playing: Greg Laswell - This Woman's Work
via FoxyTunes