Yesterday I went to the gym, per usual, and decided to do some grocery shopping post-workout. I arrived home probably around 10pm. It was extremely cold - wind chills probably in the single digits. Like every other knuckle-headed guy, I try to carry all of my groceries in a single load (with my gym bag, too, of course). I'm not sure if this contributed to the catastrophe, but it can't have helped. As I step away from my car, bags precariously grasped by my fingers (or fingertips), I hear an odd noise, but I figure it is just food stuffs shifting around. I mean, seems reasonable, as I am carrying 30+ pounds of groceries. Sadly, soon I am to learn what this ignored noise portends.
As I near the door, I hear a rip and smash. I realize immediately that one of my jars of pasta sauce has fallen through the sturdily constructed, unblemished, thick plastic bag the store has generously provided for me to safely and dependably carry my purchase home. Before I can make any more brilliant decisions, another jar falls to the ground - crash! At this point I do manage to muster the wherewithal to put the rest of my stuff down. However, I now have 2 broken glass jars filled with pasta sauce on the sidewalk. On top of that, it's like 15 feet outside my landlords door. I start thinking, "Man, my landlord has a lot of dogs. If they start trying to eat this pasta in the morning, all the glass could really mess them up."
So, for the next 40 minutes, I tried to quietly clean up all this pasta sauce and broken glass, on my hands and knees half the time, with a headlamp on my head. My hands were so cold, I couldn't really feel them, and was somewhat concerned that I was cutting them on the glass, but couldn't really tell in the dark, with my hands buried in red pasta sauce. (Luckily, no damage was done.) I was returning from the gym, so all I am wearing is semi-sweaty sweats over my gym clothes. And it's Antarctica outside! Plus I'm starving. I've had better evenings.
The next morning, I am packing my gym bag, and noticed that one of my running shoes is covered in pasta sauce from the debacle the night before. I am in a rush, so I through them in a plastic bag and head off to work. Tonight, I headed back to the gym. Upon changing into my gym clothes, I notice that I look pretty ridiculous with pasta sauce all over my running shoe (not to mention they are all red, which could be a little disturbing to some, not realizing it was just supposed to be part of the previous night's dinner). I try to clean them off, only to notice that - shocking - the pasta sauce is frozen to it, having sat in my car all day! So the next thing I know, I'm running on the treadmill, doing intervals no less, as pasta sauce is slowly melting off of my shoe. After my run, I proceed to the stretching area and begin stretching, only to notice that now the pasta sauce has completely melted and is now getting all over the stretching mat. And I can't be sure, but it seemed like a few people were looking at me with weird expressions, either because I'm dripping pasta off my shoes, or because they figure I have the baddest ass blister they have ever seen bleed through a shoe.
Epilogue: I did use one of the provided wipes to clean off my mat. And I managed to clean my shoe, somewhat. It is still red. And it smells like pasta.
