A toast

Below is the toast I had the privilege of giving as best man to Eric at his and Bonnie's wedding on 10/10/10. Not the best thing I've ever written, and I think it benefits from being read aloud, but nonetheless, it comes from the heart:

I'd like start off by saying that I am truly honored to be Eric’s best man, and I am so happy for the two of you.

I became good friends with Eric at Amherst, and our friendship really grew when I also fell for his first love. The bicycle. Luckily, there is more than one bicycle, so it didn’t become a contentious love triangle.

Although we now live miles apart, we maintain a strong friendship. We’ve both shared personal struggles over the years; including those involving the fairer sex. I will never forget Eric standing by me a couple years back when I was having a difficult time, even though I was acting like a total jerk. What started as a miserable vacation turned into a wonderful surprise as we both visited Acadia for the first time and fell in love... with the park. As most of you know, that park a year later would be the site for Eric’s proposal to Bonnie. But Bonnie, even though you stole his heart, I will always be the first person to have shared a small two-man tent with him for a week in Acadia.

But Bonnie, you are a lucky young woman. Eric is an amazing guy. And particularly well-suited as a husband. Consider this – his love of chick flicks means you will always be able to agree on a movie. And while Eric is the one who convinced me to start shaving my legs (only in the Summer), you are the one who will always be able to share razors with him.

But you will have some important duties now that you are his wife. For instance, now you will have to be the one who picks him up when he gets 2 flat tires miles from home in the cold pouring rain. I can give you this advice – after an experience like that, a hot shower and a beer (in the shower) go a long way.

And there may be days when you will wonder who the woman in the relationship is. After all, Eric does have a particularly strong affinity for pink and does wear an earring. But you’ll never have to wonder who the prettier one is. And Eric, while you are a good looking guy, I’m talking about Bonnie here.

But I really think the luckier person here is Eric. You are marrying an amazing young lady. She is beautiful, kind, intelligent, and most importantly, puts up with your idiosyncrasies, including writing ridiculous haikus (did you notice his biography of me on the wedding site is a haiku?). But most importantly, you put up with him hanging out with me.

And Bonnie, this guy really, really loves you. I knew, as soon as you started dating, he was yours if you would have him.

And Eric, as your best man, I feel some duty to challenge you. As some of you may know, I am a Christian, and I take my faith seriously. I don’t want to be preachy, so I’ll keep it simple. In the Bible, marriage is given as the example for Christ’s relationship to the church. And in that relationship, Christ dies for the church. I know this is a high calling, and I’m not even sure how to live up to this, but my challenge to you, Eric, is to be that type of husband. A life-giving husband.

So in conclusion, I can’t say enough how happy and excited I am for you two. And Bonnie, even though you are now married, I hope you don’t mind me being a third wheel on your trips to Acadia. But don’t worry - you’ll now get the spot right next to Eric. And if you ever need to get him out of your hair, just give me a call and I’ll snuggle up with him in a tent on a cold Winter’s weekend in New Hampshire.

I look forward to watching you grow old together. So let’s lift our glasses to Eric and Bonnie, and a lifetime of joy and love.

Ice Cream

The primary reason I do not buy ice cream is that if I did, I would eat it.

But a very sweet little thing bought me some because I wasn't feeling well.

So now I'm eating ice cream.

The pretension of texting

Yes, over the past couple of years I have fallen into the trap of texting. It has been exacerbated by the befriending of a couple people who like to have long and drawn out "conversations" via text. I thought I'd share one of the more amusing dialogues I had with one of these repeat texters a couple days ago. (Background: SD likes to hassle me for being somewhat preppy and not being completely anti-popped collar. He was trying to argue with me because I was hassling him for refusing to leave voicemails).

ME: This is the best argument you have? "Ur ridic"? Wow, disappointing. I affirm u SD, so u can leave me voicemail. U don't have to beg me to want to listen.

SD: You're ridic cause you're making some bogus argument about voicemail! You know how to get under my skin, alright!

ME: So when r we going to hang out?

SD: When you stop popping collars and talking about pink cashmere ;)

ME: No, no, u have it all wrong. I like popping my BLACK cashmere overcoat. Sheesh. But not many other collars. And I don't own pink cashmere.

SD: But it was mentioned ;)

ME: Never by me. This is a vicious and slanderous lie.

SD: Yes. Once. The only cashmere convo we had. It was in regard to a sweater

...several minutes pass...

SD: I win!!

ME: You win? Your argument was specious and then I [I meant "u"] resorted to pure fabrication. If u think clutching at straws is winning, I misoverstimated u.

SD: That was the most pretentious text I've ever received!

I laughed for the next 5 minutes straight. But don't worry, all is well. The next day he sent me a text that read "I heart you HP!"

Thoughts on marriage

My Mom sent me this thought-provoking list of things to consider before marriage. I found this interesting enough to be worth posting:

PLEASE DO NOT MARRY IF:
1. You are unwilling to put the needs of another person above your own.
2. You are easily offended, carry grudges and are unwilling to forgive.
3. You are an abusive person (Mentally, emotionally and physically).
4. You are unwilling to commit.
5. You have an unresolved addiction problem.
6. Your career is the most important thing in your life.
7. You do not share the same beliefs, values, life priorities or vision.
8. You are unwilling to be an active partner sexually with your spouse.
9. You are unwilling to agree on an approach for handling finances,
children and life decisions.
10. You expect your spouse to change after you get married.

This all makes sense to me. Some parts of it sound harder than others, but we each have our own unique flaws and struggles, so the items we find most challenging are likely to be different from others, even our partner. Thoughts?

The dilemma

It was recently requested that I update my blog, so I've decided to write about a very serious and pressing dilemma for which I have no good answer. That dilemma is seasonally themed underwear. Mostly, Christmas and Winter themed boxers.

Is it appropriate to wear these boxers in other seasons? Is that a serious fashion mistake? Am I somehow jinxing myself? I must admit, I do feel a bit odd wearing my boxers printed with pictures of a dog with an antler headpiece or skiers in 90 degree weather. But what is my alternative - to only wear these boxers during the Winter months? They would sit around for 2/3s of the year, taking up space and according undue wear to my other, less seasonally specific underwear. The utilitarian in me says to just wear them, and so I do. But every time I put them on, I feel a bit discomforted. The dogs with their antlers almost look back at me in embarrassment, as if they are saying "really dude, you are going to put antlers on my head in this heat?"

Dishwasher serenity

At my Oma & Opa's house, the kitchen is right next to, and open to the family room. Often, my Oma would load the dishwasher and then set it to run right before going to bed. This would often drive me a little crazy because I would on occasionally stay up after they went to bed. I would try to watch TV in the family room, with the volume turned down given the late hour, which made it rather challenging to hear the TV over the rather loud dishwasher. And yet, the noise of the dishwasher often also had a calming affect on me.

When I moved into my apartment in Philly last Summer, I was very excited to have a dishwasher for the first time in 5 years. I must say, I've been less than pleased with its paltry cleaning ability. I have to scrub my dishes pretty clean before running them through the dishwasher, which really just serves as a glorified sanitizer. And the thing is fairly noisy, too. But nevertheless, I find myself typically running it right before I go to bed, and I frequently leave my bedroom door open so that I can hear it run. There's something about the sound of it running as I try to drift into sleep that is strangely soothing. It makes me miss my grandparents, but it also makes my apartment feel a little more like home. Whatever that is.

Trunks and such

Tonight I found my car yet again with a dead battery. This has become a common trend in Philly, and usually I end up calling AAA, but this time I had some friends around, so I asked one of them to help me out. But first I had to get the jumper cables out of my trunk. The problem was, I couldn't open up my trunk because there is no physical knob, only a button that is run by an electrical signal, which obviously doesn't work when your battery is dead. So I reverted back to some knowledge I had gained in high school.

See, one random night during my junior year of high school I was hanging out with my girlfriend, and I devised the brilliant plan to see if we could both fit into my trunk at the same time - with it closed, naturally. First, I tested it myself. What I figured out in this experiment is that there is usually some small panel or hole on the inside of the door of the trunk with a lever or wire inside of it that, upon being pulled, releases the latch. So essentially, there is a way to escape on your own from inside a closed car trunk. With this vital knowledge acquired, my girlfriend and I, somewhat confident we could get out (or at least I was confident), attempted to complete our mission. First I got in, and then she crawled in after me. We assumed a semi spoon-like position, with her as the little spoon. Keep in mind, this was the trunk of a 2-door coupe, so there wasn't a lot of room, but somehow we managed to squeeze in and shut the door! I was pretty excited it actually worked, and there is no horror story about us getting stuck in the trunk. I found my hole in the paneling and released the trunk latch. Easy as pie.

This pointless knowledge I had gained proved itself surprisingly useful today during my dilemma. I simply crawled over the seats into the trunk of my hatchback, located a suspicious looking snap-in panel, removed it, and found a small lever. Sure enough, the trunk popped open. Before I knew it, I had my jumper cables out and was ready to start my car. And now all is well because I challenged my high school girlfriend to squish into a trunk with me. Ain't life grand!

I think I'm going to coin the phrase "trunk-spoon." I have no idea when I would actually use it though. Ideas?

Dharma and Greg

I always liked the show Dharma and Greg, but I think originally because they were such an odd couple. I used to want to find a partner who was, when I think about it, just like me. I thought Dharma and Greg's incredibly different backgrounds and interests made for an amusing storyline, but nothing more. But over the past couple of years or so, their relationship, or what it signifies has become more interesting to me. I suppose in many ways I saw, and still see, myself as a Greg. But over time, I've come to realize I don't want to spend all of my time with another Greg, in girls clothes - I'd rather be around someone different from me, someone who can amaze and surprise me with their different perspective and personality and interests. Not that I would want to settle down with someone completely different from me, but the idea of being with someone who is more "artsy" and less serious than me is very appealing. Maybe it's because, as a young adult, I've started to discover an "artsy" and alternative side of myself, and I'd like someone who can relate to that, and even tease it out of me a little. And I guess even broader than that, I've just become more open to possibilities, and not trying to design someone in my head. That would not be at all surprising.

(I wonder if I'll have the same perspective in 3 years? Maybe I'll want another Gregette again?)

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Now playing: James Taylor - How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You)
via FoxyTunes

Am I a contradiction?

At times my life does not seem to make any sense. I have very little ambition or drive, and yet I find myself working past midnight in an intensive career full of over-achievers. All I really want to do is lay out on a blanket and listen to music. I could do that all day and all night. It would be like one of those scenes from The Discovery Channel where a fixed camera captures the sun move across the sky and set, then the stars sailing across the sky, only to reveal the sun all over again. A girl lying next to me and a bottle of sparkling wine would make it perfect.

Seriously, where is my blanket...

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Listening to The Weepies - All Good Things

Crash songs

If you've ever been in a really serious car accident, you know that it is a truly unforgettable experience. It happens so fast, you feel so helpless, and yet at the same time everything moves incredibly slowly. In the crash I experienced, we literally rolled sideways down the side of a mountain a few times. It was terrifying in a way I cannot express. All I can remember thinking is "if we don't stop soon, we will die." And yet realizing to the core of my being that I had absolutely zero control over if and when we would stop.

We did eventually stop, and all 4 of us escaped relatively unscathed given how bad it could have been. I might have even done some good, but I usually don't like to talk about it.

For some reason, the whole experience has made me fascinated with songs about accidents, so I've listed my favorite 3 crash songs below, in no particular order.

Come Crash, by A.C. Newman

So Damn Lucky, by Dave Matthews

The Scientist, by Coldplay

The last is not explicitly about a car crash, but the music video almost brought me to tears the first time I saw it. It involves an accident, and there are many similarities to the accident I was in. I just watched it again, and it still sends chills down my spine.

Please, please always wear your seat belt. It's quite likely I can type this blog only because I was.

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Now playing: A.C. Newman - Come Crash
via FoxyTunes

The return of insomnia

I haven't had insomnia for a while, so I guess it was due. I'm very tired, and tried to go to bed very early tonight, but only tossed and turned for half an hour. I've given up and instead decided to learn my first Greg Laswell song. I'm excited! Today on my walk home from work, I picked all the back streets with the most empty sidewalks so that I could sing out loud with my iPod to learn all the nuances of singing it.

For your future listening pleasure (I hope) - Comes and Goes (in Waves).

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Now playing: Greg Laswell - Comes And Goes (In Waves)
via FoxyTunes

You might be a bachelor if...

...your contribution to a potluck is bringing plastic cups, and at said potluck, a girl calls you out for having mismatched sheets hanging from your bedroom windows instead of curtains, and the girl noticed this when she was with a group of people in your apartment when you weren't there. Actually, that last part has nothing to do with being a bachelor - it's just strange.

The downfall of ringtones

I've discovered that making your own ringtones from songs you love isn't as great an idea as it sounds. The reason - when my phone rings and a song comes on I love, I don't want to pick. I just want to hear the ring finish. So often I make the person on the other end wait for a while because I want to hear the verse or chorus I love resolve. Sorry.

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Now playing: Greg Laswell- Not out
via FoxyTunes

I'm just shy

I want you to know that just because I don't talk to you when you are standing right in front of me, or act like I'm bored or tired (sometimes I even fake a yawn), or turn like you aren't there, it's not because I don't want to talk to you or don't like you. I'm just shy, and sometimes I don't know what to say. I'd really like to talk to you and get to know you better. I'm sorry. It's the same reason I don't advertise my blog, but it's perfectly ok if you read it, even if you don't tell me. :-)

Spam confession

I feel like this should be on PostSecret:

Sometimes I check my Spam folder to see if someone has sent me a really important note that Gmail somehow accidentally marked as spam. Like that someone is hopelessly in love with me. If instead of beginning with headlines about getting a larger penis, they said things like, "I've been scared to tell you this...", I would probably open lots of my spam.

Something tells me this is not the most effective way to look for love.

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Now playing: Pomplamoose Makin Out
via FoxyTunes

Of singing

I went to a house show Saturday night to raise money for a Haiti missions trip. If you don't know what a house show is, it's basically a night 0f mostly amateur musicians playing a few songs in someone's living room. You pay a cover and then pay outrageous amounts for drinks (but it's all for charity, so you don't mind). At the end, it turned into a bit of a singalong, which was much fun. Then I was somehow talked into going up to play a song. Yikes! At first I resisted, but then my mind was filled with thoughts of "you only live once." This would be the biggest group of people I had ever played in front of. The encouragement was centered on a friend who had heard me playing Babylon outside my apartment the other night, so Babylon it was. I was incredibly nervous, but since it was spontaneous, I luckily didn't have hours of dread built up. I have no idea how it went, or if it was an utter disaster, because I was so anxious I can't even remember clearly what happened. The first couple lines, my voice was weak and failing me, which made me even more nervous! But thankfully, I was able to muster a little composure, and things got better, but I still couldn't honestly tell you if I was even in tune. A few people afterward said it was good, so hopefully they weren't just saying that out of kindness.

One of the highlights of the night was a duet of a guy and girl, playing songs I don't really know, but were beautiful nonetheless. They are both very talented and their voices blend magnificently - for some reason, they reminded me of the couple from Once, not because they sound the same, but because their voices were complimentary in a similar way. The female of the duet frequently leads worship, and I've heard her sing in other settings, so I can pretty confidently say she has a lovely singing voice (as I think would most other people who have heard her). But what amazes me is that on the car ride home she, I think quite honestly, was talking about how nervous she was and how weak her voice sounded, and more generally how little confidence she has in her abilities. I appreciate humility, but it's still surprising to me when someone who is clearly talented, and seen by not just me but others as talented, is terrified at performing in front of people. Of course, I can definitely empathize with the feeling, I just can't understand it in her case. I mean, people ask her to perform all the time - I am not getting such requests.

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On a completely different topic, earlier Saturday I went for a run. To get onto the river trail I usually run along, you have to cross some railroad tracks. As I was crossing them this day, I noticed that a young child (maybe 3 or 4) had somehow step into one of the tracks and gotten his foot stuck, and his mother was patiently trying to get his foot unstuck. Now mind you, these tracks are used by trains, although usually at rather slow speeds. Even though there wasn't a train in sight, I was unexpectedly very concerned about this child's safety. I kept looking back over my shoulder to see if he had been freed. This got to the point that I was practically running backwards until I saw the little squirt finally running free. I had no idea I had such strong parenting instincts, but I'm glad to know they are somewhere in there.


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Come here my star is fading
And I swerve out of control
And I swear I waited and waited

Now playing: Coldplay - Amsterdam
via FoxyTunes

Berlin and the Wall

I walked by a monument in Berlin tonight that contains pieces of the Berlin Wall that are still standing. It sent chills down my back. The last time I was in Berlin, it was still divided into East and West Berlin. People were still selling out their friends, neighbors, children, parents, even spouses to the Stasi. I can't believe this was going on in my lifetime, and that the wall came down just over 20 years ago. By the way, an absolutely incredible film that captures the essence of the DDR and Stasi is The Lives of Others, winner of the 2007 Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film. A must see. William F. Buckley, Jr., just months before passing away, wrote that after seeing it, "I turned to my companion and said, 'I think that this is the best movie I ever saw.'" Yes, it's that good.

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Now playing: John Mayer - Victoria
via FoxyTunes

The modern musical blessing

Tonight is the first time I've had a chance to really relax and listen to music for quite a while. I'm a little sick, stressed out, over-worked, sore-assed, and lonely. But this music is melting my head. When you think about it, it's amazing that we have access to great recordings from almost any artist. This is a truly incredible modern blessing. Think - 300 years ago only a select few had a chance to listen to a popular musician, and only when they played live. Now, on our iPod, we have instant access to almost anyone at their best. Truly astounding when you think about it that way.

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Now playing: John Mayer - Do You Know Me
via FoxyTunes

Extroverted introvert

I think I'm an extroverted introvert. I really enjoy the company of other people; sometimes I absolutely crave it. But I also need alone time. In fact, sometimes spending time with people completely exhausts me. I'm not sure how else to explain it. I guess it means I love you, even when I need a break from you.

This has some interesting implications. For instance, I can miss someone while not wanting to be around them. Yeah, it's hard for me to wrap my mind around that one, too. And even harder to fix.

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Now playing: John Mayer - Victoria
via FoxyTunes

Any given Tuesday...

...something like this could happen:

11PM, everyone has left my house, I haven't had dinner, nothing in my fridge. I walk down the street to a local pub to grab a craft beer and a cheap sausage. They are cheap but good. I sit at the bar, reading NYT articles on my iPhone, sometimes stopping to listen to the loud drunk a few stools down or the barkeep telling a funny story, or to glance at the TV to realize again and again that I'm completely uninterested in what is on. I'm pretty sure I am anonymous in this bar - I didn't see anyone I know when I walked in, and it's unlikely my friends will wander in this late on a Tuesday.

I feel someone poke my back. It's probably just someone, maybe a little tipsy, who bumped me with their elbow or a wayward hand. I turn around slowly, half-expecting to only see someone's back as they continue on their meandering way. Instead I turn to see a friend of mine who was just at my house 45 minutes ago. As I continue my turn I see another friend. They are both girls; they are both smiling. I probably look perplexed. I am perplexed, and a little embarrassed. I wonder how long they have seen me sitting at the bar, alone.

The girl who I saw second says, "oh, if we had known people were going out afterward, we would have gotten everyone together." People? There is no one else with me. I mumble, "people, no, just me." I guess that's obvious. I guess it doesn't matter because I don't think she heard me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever heard.

One of them asks me what I had for dinner. I try to explain that I haven't gotten my dinner yet. I don't think they hear me, but it's not important so I give up. I tell them I got a sausage. More chitchat. I probably should have asked them what they got. That would have been polite. I realize this about 5 minutes after they leave. I'm terrible at chitchat when I'm surprised, confused, or embarrassed. Or all three.

Then the first one says they will see me at church Sunday. I say in 3 Sundays. They look at me confusedly, with heads cocked almost like curious dogs. I say 3 again and hold up 3 fingers. There is an awkward silence. They don't seem to understand or be that interested. They leave. I don't think they realize I am about to fly all over the world. That's okay - they aren't interested and I'm kind of tired of telling people today.

I wonder if they'll remember what I said when I'm not in my apartment next week for our meeting , and if it will suddenly make sense.

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Now playing: Greg Laswell - Off I Go
via FoxyTunes

This post was edited less than 10 hours after having been published. But one loyal reader had already seen the original post. Can't sneak anything by her :-)

Consequences

Sometimes stupid decisions have negative consequences, often in ways you would not expect. Last Sunday, as I was rushing to church, I slowed down for a stop light, but when I thought no cars were coming, rode right on through without slowing down as much as I usually do. I go through red lights all the time, but usually I slow to a crawl and am very careful to make sure I can see down the intersecting street to ensure no cars are coming. This time I went too fast, and sure enough, the coast wasn't as clear as I thought it would be. All of a sudden I heard screeching tires to my left and slammed on the brakes. Luckily, the driver of the car had been paying attention and managed to stop with room to spare. He then just sat there in his car and glared at me for being an idiot, which obviously I deserved.

But in this little almost accident, I jumped forward on my bike, off my seat. I don't really know what happened next, but either my seat ran into the back of my butt or I landed on my top tube, because a few hours later I discovered that my ass-bone was very sore, and now for the past week it has been painful to sit down for any extended period of time. This is all good and well, except for the fact that I am scheduled to spend a whole lot of time sitting on my butt as I fly all over the globe in less than a week. If I don't heal up in the next few days, this is going to be a very painful and challenging experience. So here's to hoping and praying that my coccyx decides to stop hurting before my first flight across the pond.

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Because it seems fitting (and it's a great song)...

Now playing: A.C. Newman - Come Crash
via FoxyTunes

My Stupid Mouth

Reposted after getting the okay from some important people. I've bolded the important takeaways, in case there is any confusion...

A couple weekends ago, I was talking with a friend of mine, and at one point the conversation somehow turned to marriage. This topic reminded me of a rather lengthy debate I recently had with my mom about diamond engagement rings. My mom was telling me about how some radio talk show host she listens to had been warning guys planning to propose that, even if their girlfriend says they don't want a diamond ring, they actually do, and therefore the guy should dismiss her comments and get a ring anyway. I decided to take the counter-argument, both because I somewhat believe it, but also because, well, I love to debate things with my mom. I used the standard arguments that diamond engagement rings are a fairly modern social construct without serious religious groundings, devised by wealthy men to show off their riches, are often the result of or contributor to human suffering, and are in a sense an affront to women's equality. (I chose to more or less ignore the fact that this host's instruction was premised on the concept that your girlfriend is playing head games with you and you shouldn't believe what she says.) I mentioned all of this to my friend, but typically I broach this topic with few people because, as you can imagine, I don't particularly want this leaking to the broader public. Well, my friend, being the gregarious sort that he is, decided that he would bring my views to light among a few guy friends at a party a couple days later. Now I was starting to get a little nervous, but I tried to clarify my position, and half-jokingly (half being the key word here) asked them not to tell anyone else. So sure enough, the next day at church, a young (married) woman in our congregation turns to me during the passing of the peace and says to me, "so I hear you aren't going to buy your girlfriend a diamond ring." I'm pretty sure I said nothing as my jaw dropped, while my brain screamed "FML"! It appears that some virulent rumor is spreading through the church that I won't buy my future wife a diamond ring.

I'd like to take this opportunity to set the record straight. There is no way on earth I will buy my future wife a diamond engagement ring. No chance. Keep dreaming cause it ain't gonna happen!

No, I'm just messing with you. It's actually more complicated than that. I do believe there is merit to each of the three general points I raised above against diamond engagement rings. But, I am not completely convinced. On the first point, much of what we do is a social convention, but they can still serve good and constructive purposes, and while they should be challenged, we shouldn't just throw them all out the window on a whim. To the second, among other arguments, I believe it is possible to purchase rings that are certified to not be "blood diamonds". Not to mention, you could always get an engagement ring that isn't a diamond, but some other valuable gem. And finally, while I do believe women should be treated equally, I do believe they are different and shouldn't be treated the same (this is a subtle, but important point that is beyond semantics).

So what does this all mean? First of all, if you have bought the love of your life a diamond ring, I am in no way judging your decision. Let me put it this way - if I ever manage to find a girl I am attracted to who will put up with and love me, and she wants a diamond engagement ring, I will buy her one without a second thought. This has nothing to do with money or economics. Heck, if she wants one for each hand, and I'm madly in love, I will gladly comply. I'm a hopeless romantic, and I think getting down on one knee, pulling out a diamond ring you have saved and saved to buy, putting your heart on your sleeve, and asking a girl to marry you is an incredible moment. Slipping the ring that you have toiled to buy onto her finger must be an overwhelming feeling of joy and love. With that said, if a girl said she didn't want a diamond ring, I would try to have an honest conversation with her, and if she maintained that she really didn't want one, I would accept (and believe) her position. And to be honest, I would find her willingness to challenge convention pretty darn attractive. But it is not a prerequisite. There are more than enough reasons not to date me, but you can at least scratch this one off the list.

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This song takes me to the verge of tears every time I listen to it. I listen to it a lot...

Now playing: Greg Laswell - This Woman's Work
via FoxyTunes

Adulthood

This pretty much literally happened 10 minutes ago:

Adult me: I should load and run the dishwasher tonight.
Child me: Naw, don't worry about it. You just ran it a few days ago.
Adult me: I really should - I don't have many clean dishes, and no bowls, which I could use in the morning to eat cereal.
Child me: Don't worry about it - you can buy breakfast at work.
Adult me: Yeah, but that's more expensive, plus I already have milk and cereal.
Child me: Fine, you don't have to buy breakfast, but you can just wash a bowl by hand in the morning.
Adult me: Yeah, but that's almost more work than loading the dishwasher now and then everything will be clean.
Child me: Don't worry about it. It's not a big deal. Run it tomorrow. You look tired anyway.
Adult me: This is silly. It's going to take me like 60 seconds to load and start the dishwasher. I'm just going to do it now.
Child me: You are soooo tired. Forget about it. The dishwasher doesn't even do that good a job.
[I load the dishwasher and decide to run it.]
Child me: That was ridiculous. You could have been asleep by now.
Adult me: No, it's worth it. I will be glad I did it in the morning. This is what being an adult is all about - thinking about the consequences of my actions (or inaction) and acting accordingly.
Child me: Well look at you; you're all growns up! Aren't you so mature.
Adult me: I think I did do pretty well. I resisted you and your temptations. Maybe I am growing up.
Child me: Oh yeah, you are definitely so grown up. Why don't you go blog about how adult you are.
Adult me: Fine, maybe I will!

...somehow I still feel like Child Me won...

Winter city love

One of my favorite new things is wandering around an urban setting that is buried in snow at night, taking in the beauty and shooting bad photos. There is something really unique about a metropolis that is completely covered in snow. The silence is somehow freeing (how can it be so quiet with so many people?), few drivers dare brave the roads, and instead people take over the streets since the sidewalks are a disaster of ice and deep snow. The lighting is surreal - I'm still not used to how lit up cities are at night, and the snow reflects the light and gives everything a warm but eerie glow. I think I could stay up all night, meandering down un-plowed side streets of Center City and South Philly, absorbing all the snowy wonders, but alas, I must get some shut eye.

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Now playing: John Mayer - City Love
via FoxyTunes

Frozen time

I absolutely love it when it snows. One of my favorite things to do is go for a walk along a lit street at night while the snow is falling. Snow seems to absorb sound, so you are left with this incredibly beautiful and peaceful experience of snow falling in silence from the black void that is the sky. In a movie I watched tonight called Cashback, the protagonist learns that he can freeze time, and in the last scene of the movie, he freezes time to share his experience with his lover. They run out into the snow, but since time is frozen, the snow is not falling, but is instead suspended in air. I found the whole concept amazing - running through snow that is hanging in sapce. As the lovers look back, they can see their silhouettes through the snow that is paused in time. It's such a fun and imaginative twist on an experience that I already enjoy so much. If only I could channel Zack Morris and freeze time when the snow comes tomorrow night.

Watch from about 3:30:



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Now playing: Remy Zero - Fair
via FoxyTunes

The good side of a horrible day

I think the best part of a horrible day is that it puts everything else in perspective. And if nothing else, tomorrow is very likely going to turn out better than today. So even if it's a below average day, it's still going to be a big improvement on today and therefore feel like an awesome day.

I should have known today was going to suck when I woke out of a dream of being in a plane crash (literally shivering cold because I'd forgotten to turn the heat on last night). The dream - strike that - nightmare - shook me up for a few minutes, especially since I'm flying tomorrow, on a little plane, right before (hopefully before) a Nor'easter hits Philadelphia. But the day quickly turned much worse. I had slept in, to recover from my first indoor soccer game of the season, so I was running late for work. I checked my Blackberry before heading out the door to discover that I had a voice mail from my boss, which I quickly realized was in response to an angry email from one of my nicest and favorite client contacts. She had apparently thought we were going to send her several deliverables the night before or first thing this morning. Somewhere this expectation got lost in translation, but it meant I spent the day incredibly stressed, rushing to get her things as quickly as possible. I never got around to breakfast, and barely had a chance to scarf down some cheap Chinese. And in the rush of the day, I never had time to mail something I'd sold on eBay that I had promised I would mail within two days of payment - two days ended today, of course. But that was small fry all things considered.

Then, when the day was finally winding down, I got a strange call from a friend. He told me that a lady friend of ours thought that I hadn't gotten the message that she wasn't interested in me. I'm not exactly sure what was said between them, but apparently I've made her uncomfortable or come on too strong or something. This struck me as quite odd and frustrating since I had just been trying to be friendly. I can see in retrospect how a couple texts I sent may have come off wrong, but as my friend put it, "I can't see you ever coming on too strong." I really liked hanging out with this girl, but I wasn't particularly romantically inclined. I suppose now unfortunately things will be weird for a while. This would naturally be the same girl who called me around midnight a couple Saturdays ago to drive her to the grocery store in order to get ingredients for the communion bread, which needed to be baked for the next day's service. I know - I'm as puzzled as you are. I make her uncomfortable, but she calls me to drive her to a sketchy grocery store in South Philly in the middle of the night? I mean, I was happy to do it - I just can't make sense of it all. But then, not much made sense today.

Tomorrow is going to be a good day; I am convinced it will be better than today. Thank God for the good days, or at least the less than awful days.

Then again, if I die in a fiery plane crash tomorrow, it will probably be a worse day than today. I just want everyone to know this. I love y'all, and I'll drive any one of you to the grocery store in the middle of the night if you really need it.

And now I need to do some work. And then I need to pack...

"Get a fucking job"

Monday night, after a beer and a good conversation with a friend at Ten Stone, my favorite local pub and restaurant, I was headed home when I heard someone near me say, "hey man." Although my instinct in the past been to ignore this sort of address from a stranger, I've been trying to train myself to acknowledge such requests for my attention, even if it often is a homeless guy asking me for a few bucks (which I usually give them). When I turned to say, "what's up," to the stranger, I found myself talking to a black dude, dressed in fairly normal, baggy clothing. He asked me if I ride the bus. I told him I unfortunately do not (I decided not to tell him about how I had tried to catch one just a few days ago, but failed to ever find an actual live bus to get on, which is frustrating since they always seem to be around early in the morning, waking me up with their unbelievably noisy engines). As I was deciding not to bore him with my story, he asked me if I had a bus token, to which I said I did not.

I guessed that was about the end of it when he thanked me for stopping and then proceeded to go into a bit of a rant about how no one else in my neighborhood had even stopped to talk to him. He said he had never been treated so rudely in his life; one lady actually told him to "get a fucking job." "And I do have a job, man," he told me, defensively. I tried to mutter something about how this neighborhood isn't that bad and I was sorry that people had treated him so badly, at which point he said this is why he "never comes over here" and then told me how his car was impounded because he got a DUI last night and he'd spent the last 16 hours in a jail cell. I told him again I was sorry, it sounded like he'd had a pretty rough day, and asked him if I could give him some money for a bus token. He said yes, and only took a dollar (I thought bus tokens were more like $2, but since I can't find a bus when I need it, I don't even know). He thanked me and continued to go on about how lousy things were going. He started to walk away, but I remembered someone telling me how people respond positively to physical touch, so I randomly decided to shake his hand and wish him luck before sending him on his way.

I don't know if he was making up this whole sob story to get money out of me (it's happened before), but he didn't seem like a druggie or a homeless guy (anyway, they usually just tell you if they are). I genuinely felt bad for the guy, especially because he had been purportedly treated so poorly. Now if he had really gotten a DUI, he did deserve to spend the previous night in jail, but he didn't deserve to have people in the neighborhood treat him like garbage. I think Philly is a pretty nice sort of city, but experiences like this make me wonder about this species of ours. I guess the guy could have mugged me for all I know, but I think the risk of getting mugged is worth helping people out. Sometimes you have to play it smart, but you don't have to ignore people or insult them over a lousy dollar or two.

Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.
Matthew 25:24

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Now playing: The Fray - Syndicate
via FoxyTunes

The arm touch

Friend: "She was touching your arm. That's a good sign when a girl touches your arm. "

Me: "She was touching my arm because my sweater is cashmere. It's very soft."

I mean, girls really like soft things, right? Heck, I really like soft things. Especially cashmere.

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Now playing: John Mayer - Do You Know Me
via FoxyTunes

A beautiful night (in my mind)

Nothing would make me happier than to lie on my back next to someone on a blanket in a grassy field, stare up at the starry night sky, and talk nonsense and listen to sad but hopeful songs all night long. But it is rainy and cold here, I am very tired, and I have no one to lay next to. So I guess tonight isn't going to work. But I'm ok with that, because it's a beautiful image in my mind.

On a somewhat related note, if you have not seen it, I highly recommend ONCE. I think I'm several years behind the bandwagon, but this song from the film is amazing:

I had no idea

In an article in the New York Times today about the increasing percentage of women making more than their husbands, I found the following quotation: "We’ve known for some time that men need marriage more than women from the standpoint of physical and mental well-being." And for some reason, which I cannot fully grasp or articulate, this concept has shaken me. I hope that does not sound tongue-in-cheek, because it's not. This proposition has the possibility of substantially altering my understanding of women and men, and their inter-relationship. It's something I suppose I never expected to hear. My preconceptions apparently are deep-seated and, it turns out, quite wrong. For all our machismo, we really need women more than they need us. Out of Africa had it all backwards. I guess I'm not as alone as I thought.

On a related note, I watched one of my favorite Seinfeld episodes tonight and came across a terrific exchange between George and Seinfeld that begged to be shared:

George: I mean it's gotten to the point where I'm flirting with operators on the phone. I almost made a date with one.

Jerry: Oh, so there's still hope.

George: I don't want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. When you're hopeless, you don't care, and when you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive.

Jerry: Oh, so hopelessness is the key.

George: It's my only hope.

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Now playing: The Weepies - Can't Go Back Now
via FoxyTunes

Yesterday when you were young
Everything you needed done was done for you
Now you do it on your own
But you find you're all alone, what can you do?

Curiosity, the fruit of love?

A few weeks ago, I heard someone on the radio talking about how married couples can rekindle a broken relationship by bring curiosity back into it. They weren't talking about anything exotic - simply becoming curious again in your partner.

For some reason, this concept has been intriguing me ever since I heard the discussion, and I keep returning to it, which is why I had to finally write it down. Personally, I don't think I'll ever have trouble being curious about someone. (Famous last words, right?). I'm normally endlessly curious, and when I'm in a relationship with someone, I want to know everything about them. I think my vice is being rather too curious than too little.

But I think why I really found this concept so interesting is that what I really want is for someone to be curious about me. I don't think it's believing that I'm extraordinarily unique or fascinating. If anything, the fear is that I am quite the opposite. I wonder if it's maybe just a desire to be known, really known. It sounds incredibly frightening but exhilarating for someone to really want to get inside your head. Mostly frightening, really, but somehow encouraging, too. To think, "wow, that person really wants to understand me." And it only becomes more amazing the more they come to see how truly messed up you are. To think, after they know what a crazy you are, they still want to know more.

I guess that's why I'm trying to give up on my first "crush" in Philly. She's a sweet girl, but not the least bit curious about me. Not sure if she's ever really asked me a question to learn anything more about me. Maybe that's a not so subtle clue that a girl is just not that into you: never tries to learn more about you.

It's not even that I want to be barraged with questions. It can be uncomfortable, sharing yourself with someone. It's not something I'm really seeking, exactly, even though I want it to happen. But in the end, it really does feel good, to have someone take a peak inside. I mean, isn't that what we really all want on some level - for someone to get us?

*Obviously there are a few criteria; but not that many
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It's been about a year since I first heard it, but this song still sends chills down my spine. I think my freezing cold apartment is only enhancing the experience.

Now playing: John Mayer - In Your Atmosphere
via FoxyTunes

Cute (Winter) Math

In the same vein as Love Math, I bring you Cute (Winter) Math:

Cute + Rosy Cheeks from the Cold = Very Cute

Cute + Rosy Cheeks + Trendy Hat = Super Cute

Cute + Cigarette = Not so Cute

Cute + Rosy Cheeks + Trendy Hat + Cigarette = Why'd you have to go and ruin it!?

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Now playing: Wilco - You And I
via FoxyTunes

Why I love flash memory

In my opinion, flash memory (or SSD, solid-state drive) is the future of portable computing. Most hard-drives today use a platter based system that requires rotation of the hard drive (if you've ever seen an extracted hard drive, it looks almost like a small record player). Flash memory has a myriad of advantages, including that it tends to be faster and more durable than these platter systems. On the other hand, platter systems have several disadvantages, in part because moving parts reduce reliability and increase the chances of damage when a computer is dropped or strikes something. The current major barrier to wider flash memory usage in computers is simply cost.

But I want to share with you why I love flash memory. Several years ago, when I started running at night in the winter with my iPod, I noticed that my iPod would often stop functioning after about 10 minutes and would signal to me that the battery was dead, even if I had just charged the iPod. Later in the evening, after I was home and warm, I would discover that my iPod was working and was showing a full charge. At first, I thought the jostling of running was possibly screwing up the iPod (traditional iPods have a spinning hard drive, after all). However, after some research, I learned that spinning hard drives can are susceptible to cold. I'm not completely sure why, but essentially temperatures below freezing can cause the drive to stop functioning properly. If you don't believe me, go here and search "advantages".

But iPhones (and several iPod models, such as nano's) use flash memory. Tonight during my run, it occurred to me that I haven't had any problems running in the cold with my 6-month old iPhone, and I realized it's because it has a SSD! No more quiet Winter runs, unless I choose silence.

You have now learned something incredibly random that only a small group of crazy people know. After all, how many people run with their iPod in sub-freezing temperatures (at night)?

Happy running!

Open-mindedness: Part 1

I've been thinking about writing a blog post or two on open-mindedness for the past few months. I came across a great quote today that has spurred me on to begin formulating my thoughts. I'll just post the quote for now as a prologue and let you mull it over.

"When people are least sure they are often most dogmatic."

From The Great Crash: 1929 by the legendary Harvard economist John Kenneth Galbraith.

Fortune cookie

I went on a freezing cold run along the river today. The wind was brutal. And I thought of this, which I think might make for a nice fortune in a cookie:

"The stronger the headwind out, the easier the journey home."

I mean, this applies to running and cycling. Nothing else. Not a life lesson or anything. So don't get all heady and philosophical on me.

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Now playing: Nickel Creek - When You Come Back Down
via FoxyTunes

Sometimes

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by and in awe of every single person I know. And I am humbled and blessed that any one of them might call me friend. Sometimes...

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Now playing: Jars of Clay - Worlds Apart
via FoxyTunes