NIN and I

I read an article today about Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails in which he mentions listening to Sufjan Stevens and Grizzly Bear. Who knew he and I had such similar music tastes? I'm still a little undecided about how much I like Grizzly Bear, but Stevens' Illinoise is one of the best albums I have ever heard.

if I was crying
in the van, with my friend
it was for freedom
from myself and from the land
I made a lot of mistakes

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Now playing: Sufjan Stevens - Chicago
via FoxyTunes

Confession

I have a confession to make. This is really hard, but...

I'm really starting to dig Taylor Swift. I think this sealed it.

Shhh....don't tell anyone ;-)

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Now playing: John Mayer - Your Body Is a Wonderland
via FoxyTunes

I want to be lucky

Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss

I love this song - it's such a beautiful duet - but I guess I never really listened carefully to this verse with these lyrics until today. Wow! These simple words capture the whole thrill of love so well. Never wanting to say goodbye; wishing every kiss would linger on and on. I want that again. Bad.

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Now playing: Jason Mraz Feat. Colbie Caillat - Lucky
via FoxyTunes

Don't find yourself - define yourself

I don't really buy into the whole "finding myself" thing. It's not that I don't believe in self discovery, but people far too often use that phrase as an excuse for essentially treating people poorly, being selfish, or doing something stupid. I like the concept of "defining myself" much more than "finding myself." What I choose to do and how I choose to treat people is how I am defining myself. So in a sense, when I act self-centered on the grounds that I am finding myself, I am really just defining myself as being self-centered. Think about it - suddenly your choices matter again.

You are who you are, not who you pretend to be.

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If all the things that you are saying love
Were true enough but still
What is all the worrying about
When you can work it out
When you can work it

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Now playing: Dave Matthews - Dodo
via FoxyTunes

The ridiculous

Today, while looking for apartments online and needing a break, I decided to put my income and savings into a mortgage calculator to see how much house I could afford. The calculator said I could afford a half-million dollar house. Then I checked another calculator. Same thing.

This is INSANE. No wonder we are in a financial crisis, driven in part by the housing market. Forget for a minute the fact that my income could not support a house anywhere near that expensive. There are other intangible factors we need to think about. For one, there should be some rule that if you eat cereal for dinner more than 2 times per week, they won't give you a loan for a bicycle, much less a house. Or the fact that I have a ton of apartments to look at tomorrow, so I should not be up writing on my blog.

If I were me, I wouldn't lend myself $50 bucks. Wait, I am me. What? Cogito, ergo sum. Actually, all you really need is sum. But that's for another day.

Humility sideways

Humility, I believe, is an important but very hard to achieve characteristic. Jesus said, "Blessed are the humble, for they shall inherit the earth." In my understanding, humility is not feeling sorry for oneself (which I am at times prone to do), but a realistic perception of oneself, especially relative to others. It is so hard for us to accomplish in part because we have to come to the realization that we are as likely to make mistakes and do wrong as others. I think all too often we have the following sentiment, which we confuse for humility: "well, I know I'm not the kindest person, but I would never do that to someone" or "I'm not the smartest person, but I know I wouldn't do something that stupid." Notice how in our thinking, we have actually made fairly strong absolutes in our mind, using words like "never" or "would not." We are in a sense a priori assuming we could never do something so wrong or silly, but then we try to fake humility by thinking that we aren't totally perfect (just not that imperfect).

But the reason I bring this up is because I find that - and I imagine many others do as well - when I am directly confronted with a misstep or wrong, I tend to be quite defensive or write off what is being said as inaccurate or a rare exception. I have found, as I did this evening, that I am often most reflective and open to humility when someone tells me about how another person has wronged or hurt them. For some reason, I find that I compare myself to the antagonist and realize that I have done similar things. It can at times seem as if someone is describing a reflection of a person, only to look in the mirror and see that person they are describing is you.

But then, maybe I'm just being unfair to myself and beating myself up. But then, maybe that's okay, because it helps to balance out the pedestal we too often put ourselves on.

It it is so cool to listen to a song you love but haven't heard in a long time. It's a small flame rekindled in the soul:
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Now playing: Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds - Crush
via FoxyTunes

Deepness

Sometimes, when I am reading or thinking very intensely, I start to feel like it is all coming together. Like I can almost see the depth of life and existence. It's as if I am hiking down to the valley floor from a high mountain. It is dark and foggy, but up ahead, I think I see the fog breaking around a turn as the trail seems to level off. I become excited as I begin to believe I have reached my long sought destination. As I walk through the break in the fog around the turn, I find myself staring out over the edge of a precipice. Everything is suddenly vivid as the fog disappears. The valley floor is unimaginably far below me, the landscape enormous beyond compare, mountains endlessly towering above me. It is awesome in the truest sense of the word. I am filled with an overwhelming sense of awe. I am breathless at the vast expanse. The fog suddenly materializes, as quickly as it dissipated. I step back from the edge of the cliff and grab hold of a rock with all my strength. My heart overflows with wonder and fear. Our meager souls were not meant to bear or digest such scale. It was depth beyond comprehension.

The weaker sex

Today, our pastor said the following during his sermon:

"When the Bible says women are the weaker sex, it does not mean spiritually. There are some women in this room who are spiritual giants. What it means is that, guys, if you were in a cage fight with your wife, you would probably win. Big deal."

I'm still laughing...

Openness, Austen style

My previous entry reminded me of a quote I have been meaning to track down from Persuasion. When I read this line, it was as if Jane Austen had articulated something of which I only had a vague conception:

"She felt that she could so much more depend upon the sincerity of those who sometimes looked or said a careless or hasty thing, than of those whose presence of mind never varied, whose tongue never slipped."

In my poor attempt at paraphrasing: I trust people who are open, and in being so sometimes say or do things that are mildly offensive or ridiculous, more so than people who are closed and are a little too careful in what they say.

However, there is a limit to openness, I think best captured by C. S. Lewis in The Problem of Pain:

"The 'frankness' of people sunk below shame is a very cheap frankness."

There is then a boundary to openness, but I think the world would be a much better place if people were more open, not the reverse.

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Now playing: Dave Matthews Band Live - Shotgun
via FoxyTunes

Final words of wisdom

The next to last verse in Proverbs is as follows:

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

I supposed this could have some interesting implications, but I haven't really thought it out completely. Just thought it was, as a friend used to say, something to marinate in.

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Now playing: Dave Matthews Band Live - Where are You Going
via FoxyTunes

The streak

Everyone knows that flaunting your own streak is bad luck, but I thought I'd tempt Fate just the same.

I've been road cycling for about 6 years now. I've put thousands of miles on my bikes, been stuck in thunderstorms, hit two cars at close to full speed, ridden off the road and flipped over a tree root, but I have never flatted on a ride. Not once. There have been close to a dozen times when I have grabbed my bike the day after a ride to find one of the tires flat, but I have never actually gotten a flat tire while I was on a ride. I've seen everyone else I know get a flat tire on a ride, and I even had to pick up one friend who got stranded in an early Spring rainstorm after double flatting. But not me.

Just today, I went to jump on my bike, only to discover that one of my tires was flat. I tried to pump air back into it, but the hole was so big that air was leaking out so quickly I couldn't even get the PSI to register on the gauge. Yet, on my last ride I didn't have the slightest problem with the tire. It's simply remarkable.

And I know my time is due.

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Now playing: Jason Mraz - Sleeping To Dream
via FoxyTunes

Play it like it isn't

I was reading an interesting article in Rolling Stone recently about Coldplay on their tour. And then I read the following:

"Martin used to pull the Dylan move of changing that song's melody — but then he got some simple advice from Michael Stipe: 'Stop doing that. People want to hear the songs the way they know them.'"

Michael Stipe, who is the lead singer of R.E.M., should be absolutely ashamed of himself. His comment is both absurd and appalling. Did Chris Martin really buy into this? I sincerely hope not.

I love listening to music. It alone might be a compelling argument for the existence of God. And what I really love is the experience of a live musical performance. My cup is overflowing when I leave just about any live show. I think one of the things that makes live music so awesome is that you are not just listening to a well-produced recording. You are listening to something that is a true original. It is so amazing when a musician pulls the unexpected out of the familiar, when they take a song you know so well and do something inspired and new to the melody or rhythm. This is one of the most thrilling aspects of a live performance. You think you know what the next note will be, but to your astonishment and delight something known becomes something amazingly new.

Honestly, I don't want to just hear the CD live. I want to experience the full possibilities of the musical geniuses on stage. Chris Martin, don't let the sellouts take away your musical soul. Please. Be original and spontaneous. Be a risk taker. Maybe all the phonies won't come to your concerts, but it will just make the rest of us want to come more.

By the way, don't believe the reviews. Prospekt's March, the sort of follow up B Sides to Viva La Vida, is excellent.

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Now playing: Coldplay - Prospekt's March
via FoxyTunes

Face to Face

It's been a long time since I threw a song up here that I've written. I've only "finished" a few, so I thought I'd write it down.

I am completely fascinated by the concept of love: two people being completely reliant on one another. We seem so preoccupied with self-reliance in this country. I guess it's the safer bet. But I think to really and completely fall in love, you have to be willing to be dependent on someone else. Too often I think people view love as a nice side bet or supplement to their happiness. But to really get it, you have to let go. To live in love, you have to die to yourself in a sense. One of the best analogies I can think of is this game I've played at low ropes courses. Basically, two people stand on wires about two feet apart from one another. They extend their arms above their heads and hold hands, forming a triangle. They slowly scoot out along the wires, which gradually grow farther and farther apart. To avoid falling to the ground, both of you must lean into each other more and more as the ropes grow apart. If you do not trust one another and equally spread your weight, you will fall. Both of you are vital to the other person staying upright. It is hard to do, but if done right, you can get incredibly far apart. So here it is...

Face to Face

Baby said don't let go, I'm going down
Baby said hold on tight, you're all I've got
I thought to myself, "you must be crazy
Don't you realize, you're saving me"

CHORUS:
Babies crying now
She is so scared
You need to know that
I'm not gonna fly away
Everything is spinning now
We are upside down
But we're face to face
I must be right side up

Look at it crashing down, all around
Darkness is moving in, I can't see anything
I reach out my hand and you grab on hard
It's our only hold on where we are

CHORUS

Remember that fight we had the other day
I was telling you, I'm always right
But the truth is I'm just hiding
I think I'm always wrong, ain't it strange

CHORUS

Little things

I think it is often the little things in life that make life amazing and rich. Finding the stuff of everyday life that makes my heart soar seems a lot more fulfilling than the alternative approach of surviving most days for a few incredible days every year. I want each day to fill me with wonder and amusement and depth. Not just a few vacation weeks and a couple adventures. Those are nice, too, but I want to live in the moment. With that said, I've decided to start recording some of the little things, whenever I feel the fancy. Some of them may seem mundane, and perhaps they are, or maybe you aren't looking hard enough at what is right in front of you.

So, for today...

Drinking 1% milk after almost exclusively living off of skim milk will blow your mind. Seriously! I'm talking head spinning deliciousness.

Discovering the repairs made to roads over the Winter on your first few Spring rides is a really pleasant surprise that makes those early season and sometimes frustrating rides (did I really lose this much fitness over the Winter months?) worth it. I'm thinking of Crusher Road, aptly named, which I discovered a couple weeks ago was repaved at an intersection that used to be filled with potholes so big that at best, would shake you to the bone and at worst, would throw you to the pavement. Or the harrowing bridge at the bottom of a steep local hill on whose metal grates you would often be deposited at close to 30 miles per hour (the sign recommended dismounting and walking across the bridge), which was recently paved over and now smoothly sends you on your way.

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Now playing: David Ford - Go To Hell
via FoxyTunes

Going golden

I was listening to NPR the other day as they were discussing this fad in Asia to be as white as possible. Apparently, in some Asian cultures, it is very cool to be very pale. It has gotten to the point (I guess it should be expected) that people are undergoing all kinds of crazy skin treatments and taking medications to make their skin whiter. I just don't understand...

I remember several years ago I read an article in Time or some other news magazine about how the human race, due to more interracial marriage made possible by modern transportation and migration, was headed towards a golden complexion. I've always thought that was pretty cool. How mankind, with all its crazy racial problems, would eventually end up a beautiful race of bronze.

Don't get me wrong, I also find all of the different skin tones of our species beautiful. What I really just don't understand is why people tan themselves to the point of absurdity, or drug themselves to look a little more pale.

Just be, y'all. Enjoy your unique shade.

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Now playing: John Mayer Trio - Something's Missing
via FoxyTunes

Slumdog love

Last week I finally caved and went to see Slumdog Millionaire. I admit, I went in almost determined not to like it, convinced that it would be cliche and contrived. In the end, it was a little contrived, but overall it really was a terrific movie. I'm not sure it really should have won best picture: I'm still shocked Doubt was not even nominated - an amazingly acted and incredibly deep film that refused to end on a Hollywoodesque, all is well ending. Still, Slumdog was a great film that I thoroughly enjoyed.

What most touched me about the film was how Jamal, the protagonist, reacts once he has won his millions. When he wins, and the confetti streams down over the stage as the crowd cheers wildly, there is a serene calmness over his face, as if to say, "this is nice and all, but I don't need it one bit." No, his mind is far away, wondering where the girl he loves is and how he can possibly find her. Most people, upon winning millions, would likely party like there is no tomorrow. There will be many more women, they would think, perhaps wisely. But Jamal does not throw himself a fantastic party, nor does he seem particulalry overwhelmed by his new wealth and status.

No, we instead next find Jamal sitting alone on a train platform, desperately hoping that the girl he loves will show her face. He could, probably should, just walk away and start a new life. But alas, he waits in vain for a girl. Maybe he is a love sick fool. Or maybe, just maybe, he has come to understand that things like money, career, power are not really what life is about. These are the silly things we chase after in order to try to find fulfillment, and I think sometimes to avoid opening our hearts. But they aren't the things that will fill our souls. Jamal gets it, and that's why he only goes on the show in the first place so that his love will see him on TV.

Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, but Jamal, I would sit all night at that train station, too.

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Now playing: Jason Mraz - Sleeping To Dream
via FoxyTunes

I am rich! (and so are you)

It is easy for many of us, including myself, to get caught up in complaining about what we don't have or what we wish was better about our life. And while I do fall into this rut more often than I would like to admit, I am trying very hard to have the proper perspective. Because you know what? I am unbelievably blessed (lucky if you like), and so are most of you (you meaning Americans, not just the meager readership of my blog).

Look, I know everything is not perfect: the one thing I want to fill my life more than anything else I do not have. But most everything else in my life is pretty frickin' good. I have a fairly secure job in a severe economic downturn. I am relatively successful at my job and make more money than I probably deserve (whatever "deserve" means). I am healthy, have a family that loves me, if imperfectly, and amazing friends. And the list could go on and on. And yes, not having in my life what I most want can make all my experiences a little bittersweet, but it is still very sweet.

Think about all of the people in the world who are desperately poor. In 2005, it was estimated that 1.4 billion people live in "extreme poverty" (living on less than $1.25 a day). That number was 430 million more than previously estimated. Take a moment to let that soak in. They underestimated the number of people in extreme poverty by almost one-and-a-half times the US population! Now some may argue your perceptions are relative to what you are used to. In other words, if you are used to $200,000 a year, $50,000 may seem like very little money. Therefore, people who live in third world countries (I think the PC term is underdeveloped) are content because they are doing fine relative to what they are used to. But consider that 2.6 billion people (roughly 40% of the world's population) do not even have access to a toilet. Having basic sanitation is about more than lifestyle or comfort - the lack of it can lead to all sorts of diseases and considerably raises child morbidity. Imagine not having access to clean drinking water, drinking from the same stream that people relieve themselves in.

Don't you see how truly blessed all of us really are? Your job may not be your dream job and may not pay as much as you would like, but if you take just a small step back, you will realize how good you have it. I'm not saying don't reach for that perfect job or that bigger paycheck. But dammit, stop complaining and put on a positive attitude, because the grass is green on this side, my friend. If you can't see this, your eyes are wide shut.

The fruit of love

Over the past few months, Jason Mraz has become one of my favorite musical artists. I love discovering new musicians, but Mraz is something special and has shot straight to the top of my list. I was introduced to him early last year by an amazing young lady who, unfortunately, seems to think quite the opposite of me. At the time I didn't realize how amazing he was, probably in part due to the fact that she introduced me to him on some pretty lousy sounding laptop speakers (how a professional musician can bear to listen to music on those tone-butchering speakers is quite beyond me).

One of my favorite songs by Jason (I really want to call him JM, but another excellent musician has aleady claimed those initials) is called Wordplay. The song is very clever - just trying to sing along with the song can be quite challening. In the second verse, he employs a pretty neat little trick I first learned about relative to the radio. See, good radio talk show hosts realize the power of silence. Sometimes, before they are about to say something important or that they want to make sure their audience hears, especially after a long monologue, they will pause. The pause might last 2-3 seconds or more, which seems like an eternity on the radio. But it is so powerful because, after the pause, the next thing they say stands out in contrast to the silence. If you are listening to the radio in the background, the sound after the pause will often suddenly catch your attention.

So in this song Wordplay, Jason sings "Gotta find another way to keep from goin' under /
Pull out the stops / [PAUSE] / Got your attention". What I really like about this is how he works in the dynamic of the pause into the lyrics themselves. He sings "stops" and then the music literally stops for an instant. After the pause, the next line is "got your attention." He is capturing your attention by stopping and then resuming, and in the very words he sings next he is pointing out he does in fact have your attention again. You probably need to listen to the song (around 1:30) to really appreciate it, but I think it's actually pretty clever.

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Now playing: Jason Mraz - Wordplay
via FoxyTunes   

If music be the food of love, play on;
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.

Advantage, girls

Perhaps the experience I am about to describe is a little odd, so consider yourself forewarned.

See, on occasion, I find myself finishing my business at the urinal only to discover that I, in fact, need to now relieve myself , let's say, sitting down. How I did not realize this upon my entry into the restroom is unclear, but sometimes the sensation can be somewhat sudden. And when this occurs I myself in a bit of a quandary, especially when I am at work and others are in the room. For some reason I find it somewhat embarrassing to make my way directly from the urinal to a stall. I feel as if I am sending the signal that I do not know my own body (or worse). Would you trust someone's work who is uncertain of the what they are doing in bathroom?

And then I started thinking, what is really interesting to me about this is that girls do not suffer the same problem. Whenever they are going to the bathroom, they are always in a stall sitting down. They can switch it up without anyone noticing. Must be nice...

The meaning of life on a bathroom wall

On the wall of the bathroom at the restaurant I ate at tonight:

Money, Power, Respect. That is what you need to live the life.

Upon reading this, a strange and intense feeling flooded my mind, and all I could think was:

"No man, it's love. It's all about love. The rest of it, career, money, reputation. It doesn't mean anything. Maybe you will see once you have all of those things. You are chasing the wind. It's really just all about love."

Cheesy? Cliche? Hippie? I don't care. My soul was crying out.