"Get a fucking job"

Monday night, after a beer and a good conversation with a friend at Ten Stone, my favorite local pub and restaurant, I was headed home when I heard someone near me say, "hey man." Although my instinct in the past been to ignore this sort of address from a stranger, I've been trying to train myself to acknowledge such requests for my attention, even if it often is a homeless guy asking me for a few bucks (which I usually give them). When I turned to say, "what's up," to the stranger, I found myself talking to a black dude, dressed in fairly normal, baggy clothing. He asked me if I ride the bus. I told him I unfortunately do not (I decided not to tell him about how I had tried to catch one just a few days ago, but failed to ever find an actual live bus to get on, which is frustrating since they always seem to be around early in the morning, waking me up with their unbelievably noisy engines). As I was deciding not to bore him with my story, he asked me if I had a bus token, to which I said I did not.

I guessed that was about the end of it when he thanked me for stopping and then proceeded to go into a bit of a rant about how no one else in my neighborhood had even stopped to talk to him. He said he had never been treated so rudely in his life; one lady actually told him to "get a fucking job." "And I do have a job, man," he told me, defensively. I tried to mutter something about how this neighborhood isn't that bad and I was sorry that people had treated him so badly, at which point he said this is why he "never comes over here" and then told me how his car was impounded because he got a DUI last night and he'd spent the last 16 hours in a jail cell. I told him again I was sorry, it sounded like he'd had a pretty rough day, and asked him if I could give him some money for a bus token. He said yes, and only took a dollar (I thought bus tokens were more like $2, but since I can't find a bus when I need it, I don't even know). He thanked me and continued to go on about how lousy things were going. He started to walk away, but I remembered someone telling me how people respond positively to physical touch, so I randomly decided to shake his hand and wish him luck before sending him on his way.

I don't know if he was making up this whole sob story to get money out of me (it's happened before), but he didn't seem like a druggie or a homeless guy (anyway, they usually just tell you if they are). I genuinely felt bad for the guy, especially because he had been purportedly treated so poorly. Now if he had really gotten a DUI, he did deserve to spend the previous night in jail, but he didn't deserve to have people in the neighborhood treat him like garbage. I think Philly is a pretty nice sort of city, but experiences like this make me wonder about this species of ours. I guess the guy could have mugged me for all I know, but I think the risk of getting mugged is worth helping people out. Sometimes you have to play it smart, but you don't have to ignore people or insult them over a lousy dollar or two.

Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.
Matthew 25:24

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Now playing: The Fray - Syndicate
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The arm touch

Friend: "She was touching your arm. That's a good sign when a girl touches your arm. "

Me: "She was touching my arm because my sweater is cashmere. It's very soft."

I mean, girls really like soft things, right? Heck, I really like soft things. Especially cashmere.

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Now playing: John Mayer - Do You Know Me
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A beautiful night (in my mind)

Nothing would make me happier than to lie on my back next to someone on a blanket in a grassy field, stare up at the starry night sky, and talk nonsense and listen to sad but hopeful songs all night long. But it is rainy and cold here, I am very tired, and I have no one to lay next to. So I guess tonight isn't going to work. But I'm ok with that, because it's a beautiful image in my mind.

On a somewhat related note, if you have not seen it, I highly recommend ONCE. I think I'm several years behind the bandwagon, but this song from the film is amazing:

I had no idea

In an article in the New York Times today about the increasing percentage of women making more than their husbands, I found the following quotation: "We’ve known for some time that men need marriage more than women from the standpoint of physical and mental well-being." And for some reason, which I cannot fully grasp or articulate, this concept has shaken me. I hope that does not sound tongue-in-cheek, because it's not. This proposition has the possibility of substantially altering my understanding of women and men, and their inter-relationship. It's something I suppose I never expected to hear. My preconceptions apparently are deep-seated and, it turns out, quite wrong. For all our machismo, we really need women more than they need us. Out of Africa had it all backwards. I guess I'm not as alone as I thought.

On a related note, I watched one of my favorite Seinfeld episodes tonight and came across a terrific exchange between George and Seinfeld that begged to be shared:

George: I mean it's gotten to the point where I'm flirting with operators on the phone. I almost made a date with one.

Jerry: Oh, so there's still hope.

George: I don't want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. When you're hopeless, you don't care, and when you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive.

Jerry: Oh, so hopelessness is the key.

George: It's my only hope.

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Now playing: The Weepies - Can't Go Back Now
via FoxyTunes

Yesterday when you were young
Everything you needed done was done for you
Now you do it on your own
But you find you're all alone, what can you do?

Curiosity, the fruit of love?

A few weeks ago, I heard someone on the radio talking about how married couples can rekindle a broken relationship by bring curiosity back into it. They weren't talking about anything exotic - simply becoming curious again in your partner.

For some reason, this concept has been intriguing me ever since I heard the discussion, and I keep returning to it, which is why I had to finally write it down. Personally, I don't think I'll ever have trouble being curious about someone. (Famous last words, right?). I'm normally endlessly curious, and when I'm in a relationship with someone, I want to know everything about them. I think my vice is being rather too curious than too little.

But I think why I really found this concept so interesting is that what I really want is for someone to be curious about me. I don't think it's believing that I'm extraordinarily unique or fascinating. If anything, the fear is that I am quite the opposite. I wonder if it's maybe just a desire to be known, really known. It sounds incredibly frightening but exhilarating for someone to really want to get inside your head. Mostly frightening, really, but somehow encouraging, too. To think, "wow, that person really wants to understand me." And it only becomes more amazing the more they come to see how truly messed up you are. To think, after they know what a crazy you are, they still want to know more.

I guess that's why I'm trying to give up on my first "crush" in Philly. She's a sweet girl, but not the least bit curious about me. Not sure if she's ever really asked me a question to learn anything more about me. Maybe that's a not so subtle clue that a girl is just not that into you: never tries to learn more about you.

It's not even that I want to be barraged with questions. It can be uncomfortable, sharing yourself with someone. It's not something I'm really seeking, exactly, even though I want it to happen. But in the end, it really does feel good, to have someone take a peak inside. I mean, isn't that what we really all want on some level - for someone to get us?

*Obviously there are a few criteria; but not that many
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It's been about a year since I first heard it, but this song still sends chills down my spine. I think my freezing cold apartment is only enhancing the experience.

Now playing: John Mayer - In Your Atmosphere
via FoxyTunes

Cute (Winter) Math

In the same vein as Love Math, I bring you Cute (Winter) Math:

Cute + Rosy Cheeks from the Cold = Very Cute

Cute + Rosy Cheeks + Trendy Hat = Super Cute

Cute + Cigarette = Not so Cute

Cute + Rosy Cheeks + Trendy Hat + Cigarette = Why'd you have to go and ruin it!?

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Now playing: Wilco - You And I
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Why I love flash memory

In my opinion, flash memory (or SSD, solid-state drive) is the future of portable computing. Most hard-drives today use a platter based system that requires rotation of the hard drive (if you've ever seen an extracted hard drive, it looks almost like a small record player). Flash memory has a myriad of advantages, including that it tends to be faster and more durable than these platter systems. On the other hand, platter systems have several disadvantages, in part because moving parts reduce reliability and increase the chances of damage when a computer is dropped or strikes something. The current major barrier to wider flash memory usage in computers is simply cost.

But I want to share with you why I love flash memory. Several years ago, when I started running at night in the winter with my iPod, I noticed that my iPod would often stop functioning after about 10 minutes and would signal to me that the battery was dead, even if I had just charged the iPod. Later in the evening, after I was home and warm, I would discover that my iPod was working and was showing a full charge. At first, I thought the jostling of running was possibly screwing up the iPod (traditional iPods have a spinning hard drive, after all). However, after some research, I learned that spinning hard drives can are susceptible to cold. I'm not completely sure why, but essentially temperatures below freezing can cause the drive to stop functioning properly. If you don't believe me, go here and search "advantages".

But iPhones (and several iPod models, such as nano's) use flash memory. Tonight during my run, it occurred to me that I haven't had any problems running in the cold with my 6-month old iPhone, and I realized it's because it has a SSD! No more quiet Winter runs, unless I choose silence.

You have now learned something incredibly random that only a small group of crazy people know. After all, how many people run with their iPod in sub-freezing temperatures (at night)?

Happy running!

Open-mindedness: Part 1

I've been thinking about writing a blog post or two on open-mindedness for the past few months. I came across a great quote today that has spurred me on to begin formulating my thoughts. I'll just post the quote for now as a prologue and let you mull it over.

"When people are least sure they are often most dogmatic."

From The Great Crash: 1929 by the legendary Harvard economist John Kenneth Galbraith.

Fortune cookie

I went on a freezing cold run along the river today. The wind was brutal. And I thought of this, which I think might make for a nice fortune in a cookie:

"The stronger the headwind out, the easier the journey home."

I mean, this applies to running and cycling. Nothing else. Not a life lesson or anything. So don't get all heady and philosophical on me.

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Now playing: Nickel Creek - When You Come Back Down
via FoxyTunes

Sometimes

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by and in awe of every single person I know. And I am humbled and blessed that any one of them might call me friend. Sometimes...

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Now playing: Jars of Clay - Worlds Apart
via FoxyTunes

The absurdity of the Christmas Story

The Sunday before Christmas, my pastor at my church gave a sermon on the "scandalous" story of God stepping into the human story through Jesus. It seemed to me that he was trying to cast the story, as is often is the case, as one of unbelievable risk and vulnerability on God's part. God becomes one of us through Jesus and experiences life through our eyes. It's pretty ridiculous when you think about it: an omniscient, omnipotent God humbling himself as a human being, subject to his environment and those around him. Subject to the frailty of the human body itself. But for some reason, I found the sermon unconvincing. A friend later asked me about it, and I could only honestly respond that it had not had much of an impact on me. I could understand the concept, but it was not really moving my heart and soul. And this frustrated me, because I wanted to be in awe of the Christmas story - of God stepping into human form, not as a glorified ruler, not in the glory He is due, but born to teenagers in the back room of a motel in some backwater town of the Roman Empire.

I was thinking through all of this a couple days later, and for some reason I recalled a quote from Dave Matthews of all people. It's at the beginning of the song "Oh" from the album Live at Radio City. He mentions the song is about his grandfather, who fought in WWII in Africa against Rommel, who was "no pushover." And then, right before beginning the opening chords, he almost inexplicably says, "There's evil people. But they still came weeping out of somebody's vagina." It's a hilarious moment, but I think there is a lot packed into what Dave is saying. Even powerful, history-changing people were born as a helpless infant to a woman, covered in baby goo, and completely reliant on others to provide for their survival. Each and every one of us has a humble start in this world.

And for some reason, this quote struck me because it finally captured for me the absurdity of the whole Christmas story. I started laughing out loud when it clicked. The Creator of everything came weeping out of somebody's vagina. And that, at least to me, represents the absurdity and the scandal of the Christmas story.

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Now playing: Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds - Oh
via FoxyTunes

New musak

I've said it before, and I'll probably say it again. One of the things I've discovered in the past few years that I absolutely love is discovering new artists. It's such an awesome high having my mind blown by something I've never heard or seen before. Things I couldn't even imagine, and yet resonate so strongly with my very being.

The flavor for this month is Greg Laswell. There is something very unique about his sound, but I can't quite put my finger on it. His latest album, Three Flights from Alto Nido, has quickly risen to become one of my favorite albums. I think you will like it, and I think your future wife might really like it. We'll see.

Laswell has an EP of Covers, and on it is this absolutely amazing cover of Kate Bush's This Woman's Work. Not only does it sound beautiful, but the lyrics are gorgeous and moving. I'll leave you with my favorite lines:

I should be crying but I just can't let it show,
I should be hoping but I can't stop thinking

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Now playing: Greg Laswell - This Woman's Work
via FoxyTunes

Rocketman

I've been sick for the past several weeks. I'm pretty sure I had the swine flu (my doctor suspected so), and then a sinus infection hitched a ride on the back end. I was pretty sick for around 3 weeks, and while I'd been on a few runs and a ride or two, I had felt pretty slow and sluggish.

I've finally been feeling much better the last several days, so I decided to go for a run Monday evening. As soon as I was out the door, I realized that this run was going to be different. For the first time in a while, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. For the first several minutes, I actually almost felt like I was flying. I was running very hard - I think my heart rate was averaging around 180 - but it felt amazing because I hadn't been able to run like that for what felt like ages. My legs were just turning over so quickly and rhythmically, and my breathe, though hard, was well-paced and full. The sensation was almost one of having had someone strap small rockets to my shoes.

And the best part was I actually got a runners high during the run. I've written about these before. They come on unpredictably, and they usually leave me smiling and dancing around my living room for an hour or so post-run. It really is an intense high, but I don't know any strategy to bring them on - sometimes it just happens and you count your blessings. I've gone months without one.

The whole evening was quite an experience. If how I felt during that run is how cyclists and other endurance athletes feel when they take EPO, I can now understand the strong allure of taking it to get that feeling of weightlessness, like you are a superman. Once tasted, it must be a hard temptation to resist.

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Now playing: Greg Laswell - And Then You
via FoxyTunes

I am a...

And I think I know why. I realized today this may be the first real full-blown crush I've had since I was 22. I forgot how being around that person can turn your mind into jelly. Chicken-flavored jelly.

Yuck!

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Now playing: Herbie Hancock - Stitched Up (feat. John Mayer)
via FoxyTunes

The fan

I've had the fan that currently sits in my bedroom since my freshman year of college. It's a simple black stand up-fan that I got at Wal-Mart back in (gulp) 2000. It even still has the tacky orange sticker on it for college storage. When I first purchased it, it was for the purpose of keeping me cool on those early September days and nights when the lack of air-conditioning in the dorms was all too obvious. For the past few years, I've mostly used it to create white noise at night to drown out street noise, so it's run for most nights the past 5 years.

A couple months ago, it started having trouble getting started when I first turned it on. It would wind up slowly and build up to speed. More recently, it hasn't been able to start at all - I can hear the motor whining as it tries to get the blades moving. So what was my solution to this problem? Buy a new Wal-Mart fan? Maybe a fancy one with a remote control? Nope. I took the cage off the front of the fan and started to manually spin the fan, similar to the way pilots started those old WWII planes (like in the movies) by spinning the prop. The surprising thing was it actually worked! Now most nights I have to jump-start my fan; it's really just become part of the routine.

This is indicative of a wider idiosyncrasy of mine. I think it points to one of the reasons I'm such a terribly slow and indecisive shopper, and why I like nice things. As the fan illustrates, once I get something, I tend to stick with it till it's dead. Dead as a doornail. If I'm going to get something that I'm going to have and use for a long time, I want it to meet my needs and be high quality. I don't want to be stuck with something that doesn't quite live up to what I use it for and that is poorly made because the likelihood is that it's going to be around for a long while.

I'm debating whether to get a new fan. If I placed a bet on it, I'd wait till the thing won't start regardless of how hard I yank on it.

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Now playing: 505 Greg Laswell-Days Go On
via FoxyTunes

Holiday party!

My company holiday party is this Saturday evening, and I am super stoked. We always seem to throw an awesome party in a terrific venue - this year it is being held in the Franklin Institute in downtown Philadelphia. Here is a picture of what our dining area will look like. Check out Benjamin Franklin presiding over us.

I had hoped to take a date this year, but alas, things did not go as expected (which was expected, if that's not a contradiction). I even bothered to request a guest invitation this year. After all, this year will be my fifth holiday party. I've only had a date to one, and I was really sick so she went without me! (She was a former employee, so it's not as weird as it sounds; but she also used to like me, so maybe it is still kinda strange, or ironic, or something). Oh well, maybe next year. I'm still going to have a blast. Maybe it's better I don't have a date anyway. I have a feeling the evening will end with me, a little tipsy on a dance floor, trying to show everyone my Footloose moves.

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Now playing: Greg Laswell - Comes and Goes
via FoxyTunes

Number 28

I turn 28 in about 30 minutes. Well, technically I was born at 12:05 PM, but I guess we usually celebrate the date, not the time. I've realized that I'm a little disappointed I'm turning 28. But not in any really important way. Prepare yourself - I'm a bit sad to be turning 28 because 27 is such a cool number from a math perspective. I mean, it's a cube after all! Do you realize that I won't be a cube again until I turn 64?! And that will be my last one, unless they somehow figure out how to dramatically extend our lives. Farewell, 27. You've been an interesting year full of change. 2 more years till the big 3-0!

Eggo shortage

Apparently some flooding and equipment malfunctions at the Eggo plant has resulted in an Eggo shortage through the first half of next year. Terrifying, I know! Thankfully, I've been stocking up on Eggo waffles and storing them in my surplus Navy freezer over the past few years. Who's crazy now, huh!?

The gift of space

I read this passage in Surprised by Joy at my neighborhood bar, Ten Stone, tonight and thought it was pretty fantastic. Almost as fantastic as the blond brownie with vanilla ice cream I had there.

The truest and most horrible claim made for modern transport is that it "annihilates space." It does. It annihilates one of the most glorious gifts we have been given. It is a vile inflation which lowers the value of distance, so that a modern boy travels a hundred miles with less sense of liberation and pilgrimage and adventure than his grandfather got from traveling ten. Of course if a man hates space and wants it to be annihilated, that is another matter. Why not creep into his coffin at once? There is little enough space there.

Makes me want to sell my car and buy another bike. But then, I have "enough" bikes, and sometimes it's nice to shorten distances, especially to visit family and friends.

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Now playing: Coldplay - Amsterdam
via FoxyTunes

You might be a hopeless romantic if

I bought some new winter running gloves recently. A lot of different gloves these days come with plastic hooks so that you can keep your gloves together and prevent one of them from wandering off to that place your socks keeping making a break for. These gloves actually came with magnets sewn into small little pouches hanging off of the wrists, so there is no fumbling around to hook or unhook them. It works really well.

Tonight I threw the gloves into the wash, one at a time. When I pulled all my laundry out of the washer, I discovered that they were stuck together. And all I could think was, "awww, they found each other."

It's ridiculous, I know. Shhh.... Don't tell anyone.

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Now playing: John Mayer - Wheel
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