A few weeks ago, I heard someone on the radio talking about how married couples can rekindle a broken relationship by bring curiosity back into it. They weren't talking about anything exotic - simply becoming curious again in your partner.
For some reason, this concept has been intriguing me ever since I heard the discussion, and I keep returning to it, which is why I had to finally write it down. Personally, I don't think I'll ever have trouble being curious about someone. (Famous last words, right?). I'm normally endlessly curious, and when I'm in a relationship with someone, I want to know everything about them. I think my vice is being rather too curious than too little.
But I think why I really found this concept so interesting is that what I really want is for someone to be curious about me. I don't think it's believing that I'm extraordinarily unique or fascinating. If anything, the fear is that I am quite the opposite. I wonder if it's maybe just a desire to be known, really known. It sounds incredibly frightening but exhilarating for someone to really want to get inside your head. Mostly frightening, really, but somehow encouraging, too. To think, "wow, that person really wants to understand me." And it only becomes more amazing the more they come to see how truly messed up you are. To think, after they know what a crazy you are, they still want to know more.
I guess that's why I'm trying to give up on my first "crush" in Philly. She's a sweet girl, but not the least bit curious about me. Not sure if she's ever really asked me a question to learn anything more about me. Maybe that's a not so subtle clue that a girl is just not that into you: never tries to learn more about you.
It's not even that I want to be barraged with questions. It can be uncomfortable, sharing yourself with someone. It's not something I'm really seeking, exactly, even though I want it to happen. But in the end, it really does feel good, to have someone take a peak inside. I mean, isn't that what we really all want on some level - for someone to get us?
*Obviously there are a few criteria; but not that many
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It's been about a year since I first heard it, but this song still sends chills down my spine. I think my freezing cold apartment is only enhancing the experience.
Now playing: John Mayer - In Your Atmosphere
via FoxyTunes
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