Reposted after getting the okay from some important people. I've bolded the important takeaways, in case there is any confusion...
A couple weekends ago, I was talking with a friend of mine, and at one point the conversation somehow turned to marriage. This topic reminded me of a rather lengthy debate I recently had with my mom about diamond engagement rings. My mom was telling me about how some radio talk show host she listens to had been warning guys planning to propose that, even if their girlfriend says they don't want a diamond ring, they actually do, and therefore the guy should dismiss her comments and get a ring anyway. I decided to take the counter-argument, both because I somewhat believe it, but also because, well, I love to debate things with my mom. I used the standard arguments that diamond engagement rings are a fairly modern social construct without serious religious groundings, devised by wealthy men to show off their riches, are often the result of or contributor to human suffering, and are in a sense an affront to women's equality. (I chose to more or less ignore the fact that this host's instruction was premised on the concept that your girlfriend is playing head games with you and you shouldn't believe what she says.) I mentioned all of this to my friend, but typically I broach this topic with few people because, as you can imagine, I don't particularly want this leaking to the broader public. Well, my friend, being the gregarious sort that he is, decided that he would bring my views to light among a few guy friends at a party a couple days later. Now I was starting to get a little nervous, but I tried to clarify my position, and half-jokingly (half being the key word here) asked them not to tell anyone else. So sure enough, the next day at church, a young (married) woman in our congregation turns to me during the passing of the peace and says to me, "so I hear you aren't going to buy your girlfriend a diamond ring." I'm pretty sure I said nothing as my jaw dropped, while my brain screamed "FML"! It appears that some virulent rumor is spreading through the church that I won't buy my future wife a diamond ring.
I'd like to take this opportunity to set the record straight. There is no way on earth I will buy my future wife a diamond engagement ring. No chance. Keep dreaming cause it ain't gonna happen!
No, I'm just messing with you. It's actually more complicated than that. I do believe there is merit to each of the three general points I raised above against diamond engagement rings. But, I am not completely convinced. On the first point, much of what we do is a social convention, but they can still serve good and constructive purposes, and while they should be challenged, we shouldn't just throw them all out the window on a whim. To the second, among other arguments, I believe it is possible to purchase rings that are certified to not be "blood diamonds". Not to mention, you could always get an engagement ring that isn't a diamond, but some other valuable gem. And finally, while I do believe women should be treated equally, I do believe they are different and shouldn't be treated the same (this is a subtle, but important point that is beyond semantics).
So what does this all mean? First of all, if you have bought the love of your life a diamond ring, I am in no way judging your decision. Let me put it this way - if I ever manage to find a girl I am attracted to who will put up with and love me, and she wants a diamond engagement ring, I will buy her one without a second thought. This has nothing to do with money or economics. Heck, if she wants one for each hand, and I'm madly in love, I will gladly comply. I'm a hopeless romantic, and I think getting down on one knee, pulling out a diamond ring you have saved and saved to buy, putting your heart on your sleeve, and asking a girl to marry you is an incredible moment. Slipping the ring that you have toiled to buy onto her finger must be an overwhelming feeling of joy and love. With that said, if a girl said she didn't want a diamond ring, I would try to have an honest conversation with her, and if she maintained that she really didn't want one, I would accept (and believe) her position. And to be honest, I would find her willingness to challenge convention pretty darn attractive. But it is not a prerequisite. There are more than enough reasons not to date me, but you can at least scratch this one off the list.
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This song takes me to the verge of tears every time I listen to it. I listen to it a lot...
Now playing: Greg Laswell - This Woman's Work
via FoxyTunes
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